READY TO TURN THE MIRROR ON YOURSELF?
1B ECOME AN INFORMER, NOT A ‘ME-FORMER’ Research shows 80% of socialmedia users are ‘Me-formers’, who post about what’s happening with them; while 20% are ‘Informers’, who typically share non-self-related information, such as amusing observations or helpful articles. Informers tend to have more genuine friends. Tasha says: ‘When tempted with a Meformer conversational topic, ask yourself, “What am I hoping to accomplish by doing this?”’
TASK: Posting your h ‘chilling with an Aperol spritz in Barcelona #inlovewithmylife’ sel e? Turn your camera on the world around you – Informers share cool streetscapes and snapshots of local life. 2 DON’T RUMINATE
We all self- agellate occasionally, but xating on our failures keeps us in a spiral of negativity. According to studies, ruminators are less satis ed with their lives and more prone to anxiety, bad moods and poorquality sleep. Next time you start to obsess, ask, ‘Does anyone else care about this as much as I do?’ The answer is usually no.
TASK: When your mind begins to spiral over that job-interview disaster, try this ‘thoughtstopping’ technique: picture a large stop sign to snap you out of your rumination. 3 AIM FOR SELFACCEPTANCE, NOT SELF-ESTEEM ‘Millennials have grown up in a world where they’re constantly reminded of their wonderful qualities. The more deluded we are about our abilities, the less likely we are to succeed,’ says Tasha. But there’s a healthier alternative to self-esteem. ‘Selfacceptance means understanding our objective reality and choosing to like ourselves anyway.’
TASK: Hopeless cook? Who cares? You don’t always need to excel. So ditch the homemade dim sum next time your friends are over and order pizza instead. They’ll like you better for it, and you’ll be less stressed. 4 BE THE BIOGRAPHER
‘Self-aware people tend to describe key life events from di erent perspectives, exploring complex emotions,’ says Tasha. Think about your life as if it were a book. Divide it into chapters that represent important phases and, within each phase, think of ve to 10 key scenes – high points, low points and turning points. For each event, explain what happened, who was involved, what you thought and how you felt. Then look at your story as a whole. Identify major themes, feelings and lessons – what does it say about the kind of person you are?
TASK: When writing your narrative, don’t shy away from the bad stu or try to tie everything up neatly. Embracing the messiness provides a greater opportunity for self-discovery. 5 HAVE A DINNER OF TRUTH
Psychologists have found that learning to understand constructive feedback helps us to make better choices. Find a ‘loving critic’ – someone who wants you to be happy – and ask them to dinner. During the meal, invite them to share the one thing that annoys them most about you – stress that nothing is o -limits. ‘You might be surprised at how exhilarating and helpful it is to learn how this other person sees you,’ says Tasha.
TASK: Use the 3R model for feedback: receive, re ect, respond. Don’t listen passively. Instead, ask questions to gain a better understanding. Take a few weeks to re ect and consider how you can act on the feedback positively.