‘I am cheat­ing on MY HUS­BAND’

Read­ers ad­vise a wo­man whose hus­band does not have time for her

Move! - - HELP-A-SISTA -


I am a 38-year-old mar­ried wo­man and I love my hus­band so much. We have been mar­ried for eight years and have two beau­ti­ful boys. He is ca­reer-driven and I am more of a stayat-home mom as I am still car­ing for our oneyear-old son. The prob­lem is that for the past three years, my hus­band has been dis­tant and I have not been get­ting any love and af­fec­tion like I used to. I don’t know whether this is be­cause he is too busy or no longer in­ter­ested in me. As a re­sult of the lone­li­ness, I ended up flirt­ing and hav­ing an af­fair with an­other man. I feel guilty about it and don't want my mar­riage to end, but at the same time, this guy is giv­ing me all the at­ten­tion that my hus­band is fail­ing to give me. What should I do? ANONYMOUS, CAPE TOWN Man­disa Mu­ruge, coun­selling so­cial worker at Fam­ily Life Cen­tre in Jo­han­nes­burg, says, “Maybe your hus­band is not even aware of the fact that you feel ne­glected. If this is not com­mu­ni­cated to him, he will never re­alise the dam­age his dis­tance is caus­ing in your mar­riage. The fact that he is ca­reer-driven could be the only rea­son your re­la­tion­ship is tak­ing a strain be­cause he is the only bread­win­ner in the fam­ily. Cheat­ing is


Don’t feel guilty, his at­ten­tion is some­where else and he doesn’t feel guilty when he is dis­tanc­ing him­self from you. Just fol­low your heart. If the other man makes you happy, it’s good be­cause you de­serve to be happy.


Com­mu­ni­ca­tion is the best medicine for any re­la­tion­ship. Or­gan­ise a din­ner for the two of you and ex­plain to him how you feel and how much you miss the chem­istry be­tween the two of you.


Sit down with him and ex­plain how this is mak­ing you feel be­cause if you con­tinue with the af­fair, you will get caught and your mar­riage will be over. You still have time to save your mar­riage.


Mar­riage is not al­ways rosy. There is work, chil­dren, bills and other stress­ful things to deal with which might be oc­cu­py­ing his at­ten­tion. Talk to him in a civil man­ner. Maybe he does not even re­alise that he is not giv­ing you at­ten­tion. not an op­tion, it does not mat­ter what the rea­son is. Cheat­ing cre­ates prob­lems. You should come clean to your hus­band about your af­fair, but I would sug­gest that you do this in the com­pany of a neu­tral third party such as a mar­riage coun­sel­lor. Af­ter this, you and your hus­band should con­tinue with the coun­selling. Hope­fully things will get bet­ter be­tween you and your hus­band and you can re­build your mar­riage.”

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