‘I am cheating on MY HUSBAND’
Readers advise a woman whose husband does not have time for her
QI LOVE MY MAN BUT HE IS ALWAYS BUSY
I am a 38-year-old married woman and I love my husband so much. We have been married for eight years and have two beautiful boys. He is career-driven and I am more of a stayat-home mom as I am still caring for our oneyear-old son. The problem is that for the past three years, my husband has been distant and I have not been getting any love and affection like I used to. I don’t know whether this is because he is too busy or no longer interested in me. As a result of the loneliness, I ended up flirting and having an affair with another man. I feel guilty about it and don't want my marriage to end, but at the same time, this guy is giving me all the attention that my husband is failing to give me. What should I do? ANONYMOUS, CAPE TOWN Mandisa Muruge, counselling social worker at Family Life Centre in Johannesburg, says, “Maybe your husband is not even aware of the fact that you feel neglected. If this is not communicated to him, he will never realise the damage his distance is causing in your marriage. The fact that he is career-driven could be the only reason your relationship is taking a strain because he is the only breadwinner in the family. Cheating is
Don’t feel guilty, his attention is somewhere else and he doesn’t feel guilty when he is distancing himself from you. Just follow your heart. If the other man makes you happy, it’s good because you deserve to be happy.
Communication is the best medicine for any relationship. Organise a dinner for the two of you and explain to him how you feel and how much you miss the chemistry between the two of you.
Sit down with him and explain how this is making you feel because if you continue with the affair, you will get caught and your marriage will be over. You still have time to save your marriage.
Marriage is not always rosy. There is work, children, bills and other stressful things to deal with which might be occupying his attention. Talk to him in a civil manner. Maybe he does not even realise that he is not giving you attention. not an option, it does not matter what the reason is. Cheating creates problems. You should come clean to your husband about your affair, but I would suggest that you do this in the company of a neutral third party such as a marriage counsellor. After this, you and your husband should continue with the counselling. Hopefully things will get better between you and your husband and you can rebuild your marriage.”