‘HOW COME SHE’S HIV POS­I­TIVE AF­TER STAY­ING THREE YEARS WITH­OUT SEX?’

Move! - - SIS NALEDI -

Naledi Mqhayi is a clin­i­cal psy­chol­o­gist spe­cial­is­ing in re­la­tion­ships and fam­ily ther­apy. She holds a masters de­gree in clin­i­cal psy­chol­ogy from the Med­i­cal Univer­sity of South­ern Africa.

Q

HE DRINKS A LOT I have a boyfriend whom I love very much. My prob­lem is that he is younger than me. I am 53 and he is 41 years old. Al­though he is ed­u­cated, he drinks a lot and doesn’t want to get a job. How can I make him be re­spon­si­ble? ANONY­MOUS, STANDERTON

A

Sounds like there are deeper is­sues with your boyfriend. If he is not open with you about what is hap­pen­ing to his life, there is no way you will know.

Dig more on his back­ground, you may find what is hap­pen­ing. Un­for­tu­nately, love alone may not sort out his is­sues, he needs to face them and deal with what­ever. You can sup­port him by get­ting him pro­fes­sional help. Be care­ful not to find your­self moth­er­ing him.

Q

HE HAS NO TIME FOR ME I re­ally love my man but my prob­lem he doesn’t have time for me. He stays in KwaZu­luNatal and I only saw him once af­ter we met on so­cial me­dia.

He told me that he is sin­gle but I found out he was ly­ing be­cause the day we met he was get­ting calls from sev­eral women. He also has three chil­dren from dif­fer­ent women. He says he still wants an­other child. What must I do? ANONY­MOUS, PRE­TO­RIA

A

I guess you know and see that this re­la­tion­ship is not good for you. You can­not build a re­la­tion­ship on lies and de­ceit. You are try­ing too hard to be with this man who doesn’t seem to make much ef­fort on his side. Don’t act des­per­ate, you will be hurt.

Q

HIV+ BUT SHE HAD NO SEX FOR THREE YEARS

I’m a 31-year-old guy and my girl­friend is 30. She said she stayed three years with­out hav­ing sex. This was the time when we broke up. Now we are back to­gether and she says she is HIV pos­i­tive. How pos­si­ble is this? Should I carry on dat­ing her or not? ANONY­MOUS, SCH­WEIZER-RENEKE

A

The de­ci­sion to be with her or not de­pends on you. Peo­ple do get into re­la­tion­ships with HIV pos­i­tive part­ners even if they are neg­a­tive.

Seek ad­vice from med­i­cal pro­fes­sion­als on how to pre­vent con­tract­ing HIV and how to live with some­one who is HIV pos­i­tive.

Three years with­out sex is pos­si­ble but talk to your girl­friend about how she got HIV so that you un­der­stand what you are get­ting your­self into.

Q

HE WANTS A THREE­SOME My boyfriend wants us to have a three­some. I’m not will­ing to share him with any­one. He says it is bet­ter to have a three­some than for him to cheat on me. I’m afraid the third per­son may have reg­u­lar sex with him. ANONY­MOUS, VOSLOORUS

A

Dif­fer­ent peo­ple have dif­fer­ent val­ues in life. If you know what you are com­fort­able with and what a re­la­tion­ship means to you and you find your boyfriend hav­ing dif­fer­ent val­ues to yours, I am afraid you will have to com­pro­mise your­self if you agree to such a thing.

As­sert your­self and do what you feel com­fort­able with and what you know you can live with. Never be in a re­la­tion­ship where you are made un­com­fort­able to do things you are not will­ing to do.

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