‘HOW COME SHE’S HIV POSITIVE AFTER STAYING THREE YEARS WITHOUT SEX?’
Naledi Mqhayi is a clinical psychologist specialising in relationships and family therapy. She holds a masters degree in clinical psychology from the Medical University of Southern Africa.
HE DRINKS A LOT I have a boyfriend whom I love very much. My problem is that he is younger than me. I am 53 and he is 41 years old. Although he is educated, he drinks a lot and doesn’t want to get a job. How can I make him be responsible? ANONYMOUS, STANDERTON
Sounds like there are deeper issues with your boyfriend. If he is not open with you about what is happening to his life, there is no way you will know.
Dig more on his background, you may find what is happening. Unfortunately, love alone may not sort out his issues, he needs to face them and deal with whatever. You can support him by getting him professional help. Be careful not to find yourself mothering him.
HE HAS NO TIME FOR ME I really love my man but my problem he doesn’t have time for me. He stays in KwaZuluNatal and I only saw him once after we met on social media.
He told me that he is single but I found out he was lying because the day we met he was getting calls from several women. He also has three children from different women. He says he still wants another child. What must I do? ANONYMOUS, PRETORIA
I guess you know and see that this relationship is not good for you. You cannot build a relationship on lies and deceit. You are trying too hard to be with this man who doesn’t seem to make much effort on his side. Don’t act desperate, you will be hurt.
HIV+ BUT SHE HAD NO SEX FOR THREE YEARS
I’m a 31-year-old guy and my girlfriend is 30. She said she stayed three years without having sex. This was the time when we broke up. Now we are back together and she says she is HIV positive. How possible is this? Should I carry on dating her or not? ANONYMOUS, SCHWEIZER-RENEKE
The decision to be with her or not depends on you. People do get into relationships with HIV positive partners even if they are negative.
Seek advice from medical professionals on how to prevent contracting HIV and how to live with someone who is HIV positive.
Three years without sex is possible but talk to your girlfriend about how she got HIV so that you understand what you are getting yourself into.
HE WANTS A THREESOME My boyfriend wants us to have a threesome. I’m not willing to share him with anyone. He says it is better to have a threesome than for him to cheat on me. I’m afraid the third person may have regular sex with him. ANONYMOUS, VOSLOORUS
Different people have different values in life. If you know what you are comfortable with and what a relationship means to you and you find your boyfriend having different values to yours, I am afraid you will have to compromise yourself if you agree to such a thing.
Assert yourself and do what you feel comfortable with and what you know you can live with. Never be in a relationship where you are made uncomfortable to do things you are not willing to do.