SEX TALK WITH BABALWA

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Dr Babalwa Funda kaMab­hoza is an ed­u­ca­tional sex­ol­o­gist and busi­ness woman. She is a mem­ber of the South African Sex­ual Health As­so­ci­a­tion (SASHA) and African So­ci­ety for Sex­ual Medicine (ASSM).

Q

I COME TOO FAST I’m a 31-year-old man. My prob­lem is that I ejac­u­late too fast. Even when I take time with foreplay, I still pro­duce se­men. What could be the cause? ANONY­MOUS, KIM­BER­LEY

A

There are a num­ber of rea­sons that might lead to early ejac­u­la­tion, but it is best di­ag­nosed by a urol­o­gist, who di­ag­noses and treat dis­eases of the uri­nary tract.

Usu­ally for a lot of men the first round is very short and the fol­low­ing ones are usu­ally longer.

What is im­por­tant is that even af­ter ejac­u­la­tion or or­gasm al­ways find ways of mak­ing sure that your part­ner fin­ishes too. I sug­gest that you con­sult a urol­o­gist.

Q

IS ORAL SEX SAFE? Is it safe to have oral sex and what must I use to pre­vent any in­fec­tions? ANONY­MOUS, EAST LON­DON

A

Oral sex is giv­ing plea­sure us­ing your lips or tongue, but there is no for­mula on how it’s done. It’s im­por­tant to make sure your part­ner is com­fort­able and en­joy­ing it. For your safety, it is best to use a con­dom or den­tal dam for the pri­vate part and anal ar­eas.

Q

SHE FEELS TOO BIG I’m a 43-year old man and I en­joy try­ing dif­fer­ent sex­ual po­si­tions.

My prob­lem is that my part­ner has a big pri­vate part and this makes me not en­joy sex with her. I only en­joy hav­ing sex with younger women. Please help. ANONY­MOUS, SOSHANGUVE

A

The fe­male pri­vate part is a highly spe­cialised mus­cle meant to con­tract and re­lax as and when re­quired.

The mind is one of the big­gest sex or­gans needed to en­joy sex. Your prob­lem might be more psy­cho­log­i­cal than phys­i­cal.

As you say you like dif­fer­ent po­si­tions, there are po­si­tions that might give you more sat­is­fac­tion with your part­ner than oth­ers. Talk to her about try­ing a few things to strengthen her vagi­nal mus­cle, such as Kegel ex­er­cises or the use of ex­er­cise balls. Hav­ing mul­ti­ple sex part­ners might cre­ate more prob­lems for you.

Q

I WANT A BABY I’m a 26-year-old woman and my part­ner is 42 years old. I would like to have a baby, but my part­ner has di­a­betes. Will it af­fect us hav­ing a baby? ANONY­MOUS, MAHIKENG

A

One of the com­pli­ca­tions of di­a­betes is the re­duc­tion of sperm count and the qual­ity of the sperm might be af­fected too. Please con­sult a doc­tor.

Q

I DON’T REACH CLI­MAX I’m a 40-year-old woman who is in love with a 54-year-old man. Al­though he is won­der­ful, my prob­lem is that I do not reach a cli­max when we make love. ANONY­MOUS, CAPE TOWN

A

Per­haps you are both ex­pect­ing that you should reach cli­max when he is pen­e­trat­ing you.

Many peo­ple pound away, hop­ing and wait­ing for the woman to have an or­gasm. And she is usu­ally pray­ing that he will fin­ish and give her cli­toral stim­u­la­tion.

Most women need cli­toral stim­u­la­tion to reach an or­gasm. Try this out with him. If you’re ner­vous, you can try it alone with mas­tur­ba­tion.

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