SEX TALK WITH BA­BALWA

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Q HOW SAFE IS ORAL SEX?

I met this guy and I would like to take our re­la­tion­ship to the next level, start­ing by kiss­ing him. I also like oral sex. Can I con­tract dis­eases dur­ing kiss­ing and oral sex? ANONY­MOUS, BRITS

A In the same way that you do your yearly or timely med­i­cal check-ups, make sure you look after your oral health. For ex­am­ple, visit your dentist reg­u­larly and brush your teeth after ev­ery meal. The mouth is one of the body parts with most mi­cro-or­gan­isms and dis­eases can spread through kiss­ing. Ex­change of saliva and other body flu­ids in the case of oral sex can lead to the or­gan­ism’s ex­change. But most of the time, they will not lead to in­fec­tions and dis­eases as our im­mune sys­tem is able to fight pos­si­ble in­fec­tion as long as it is not com­pro­mised. If you are prac­tic­ing safe sex, make sure that dur­ing oral sex you use a con­dom and den­tal dam or cling wrap.

Q I’M LOS­ING IN­TER­EST IN SEX

I have been with my part­ner for five years and we used to en­joy sex a lot. Now I feel bored and I al­ways tell him I am tired or have a headache when he asks for sex. How can I en­joy sex again? ANONY­MOUS, EMALAHLENI

A Sex is a jour­ney that needs part­ners in­volved to con­sciously keep it alive and in­ter­est­ing. It’s very easy to ne­glect sex when other re­spon­si­bil­i­ties set in. Make sex a pri­or­ity too. With time if you are not in­no­va­tive, it can get bor­ing. You must cre­ate an en­vi­ron­ment of al­low­ing your­self to nat­u­rally show your needs.

Re­flect on when you lost in­ter­est and what were the chal­lenges that were the po­ten­tial causes and deal with them.

Q MY PRI­VATE PART SMELLS

I al­ways feel like my pri­vate part smells very bad and I get em­bar­rassed when my part­ner wants us to have oral sex with me. What can I do? ANONY­MOUS, UM­LAZI

A All peo­ple have their unique scent that can­not be re­moved. The pri­vate part also has its nat­u­ral odour or scent, which can be al­tered by cer­tain fac­tors such as sweat­ing, over­growth of yeasts or in­fec­tions.

If the vagi­nal odour is very strong and you see other signs such as burn­ing, itch­ing, of­fen­sive dis­charge, you should worry and I sug­gest you seek med­i­cal in­ter­ven­tion ur­gently.

The pri­vate part is nat­u­rally self-cleans­ing; just make sure that you take a bath be­fore sex.

Q IS MY HUS­BAND GAY?

I have been mar­ried to my hus­band for five years and we have two chil­dren.

Since we met he con­tin­u­ously asks me to kiss and touch his be­hind. He even re­quested that we buy toys for pen­e­trat­ing his anus. I keep on ask­ing him if he is gay and he says he is not. ANONY­MOUS, DEL­MAS

A Women have a G-spot or zone, men too have a prostate “P” spot. P spot is a plea­sure spot. The prostate is a soft, wal­nut shaped or­gan or gland which is sur­round­ing the ure­thra – the duct by which urine moves out of the body from the blad­der.

Due to stig­ma­ti­sa­tion and or myths around anal sex most peo­ple see it as dirty. But as part of sex evo­lu­tion, we need to as­sist each other as part­ners to ex­plore and en­joy our sex­u­al­ity and bod­ies.

Dr Ba­balwa Funda kaMab­hoza is an ed­u­ca­tional sex­ol­o­gist and busi­ness woman. She is a mem­ber of the South African Sex­ual Health As­so­ci­a­tion (SASHA) and African So­ci­ety for Sex­ual Medicine (ASSM).

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