Move! read­ers ad­vise a woman who un­know­ingly got mar­ried to a man who has an­other wife

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I don’t know if I am mar­ried or not! I have been in a re­la­tion­ship with this man for more than three years.

All along, I thought he was di­vorced. This was un­til I re­cently found out that he was still mar­ried to his first wife. It seems he has been ly­ing to both of us.

When­ever he goes to his first wife, he tells me that he’s go­ing away for work and ap­par­ently he does the same thing when he comes to me.

Last year, he sent money for lobola to my fam­ily through a mu­tual friend, but there was never a wed­ding cer­e­mony.

What’s hurt­ing me more is that I have never met any of his rel­a­tives. No one knows me and I don’t know any of them. I tried to leave him so many times af­ter find­ing out that he was still mar­ried, but he al­ways ma­nip­u­lates his way back into my life. Is this thing mar­riage or he only paid lobola so that I could stay?



I don’t think you need to be with a man who dis­re­spects you, even if he paid lobola. You de­serve bet­ter. If he can’t be with only one woman, then he doesn’t de­serve to be with you at all. Set your­self free from this man.


You are wast­ing your time in this mar­riage be­cause your man has an­other wife. What is pa­thetic is that you don’t even know his fam­ily mem­bers or rel­a­tives. I shud­der to think what will hap­pen to you when he passes away.


Your so-called hus­band does not have your in­ter­est at heart. The time you are wast­ing with him could have been spent with some­one who is hon­est to make you his only wife. This man is self­ish and jeal­ous of you.


If you can put your­self in the first wife’s shoes, you will re­alise the pain you have ac­tu­ally caused her. Imag­ine be­ing mar­ried to some­one and dis­cov­er­ing that an­other woman stays with him. This is sad.

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