Naledi Mqhayi is a clinical psychologist specialising in relationships and family therapy. She holds a masters degree in clinical psychology from the Medical University of Southern Africa.
HE NOW WANTS ME TO WORK
QI’m unemployed and my husband likes to compare me with his female colleagues. He has even hinted that I should start looking for a job, but our initial agreement was that I will stay at home and raise our children.
How do I remind him of our agreement without causing a fight? ANONYMOUS, WITBANK
AIf the agreement was that you stay at home, then you have to remind him of that. However, with time, circumstances do change and, therefore, you may need to revisit your initial decision. You cannot make your family decisions based on social pressures. Revisit the discussion you had when you decided to stay at home. See its relevance today and then see if there are changes to be made. However, that should not happen because you are compared to other women.
SHOULD I LEAVE HIM FOR MY EX?
QMy former fiancé has started contacting me again and has asked that we try to fix our relationship. The problem is that I’m now married with two children and I’m really not in love with my husband, who is unemployed and abusive. What should I do? ANONYMOUS, KIMBERLEY
AAttend to your marital issues first and decide how you want to manage them. You will not be able to focus on your marital issues if you start entertaining your ex-fiancé.
You had a reason for leaving the ex so be careful not to settle for less because you want to run away from your current challenges. Get professional help for you and your husband on how to deal with unemployment and behavioural change.
QIN LOVE WITH A MARRIED COLLEAGUE
I am in love with my married colleague and he has started making moves on me. I’m tempted to start dating him. Please help. ANONYMOUS, TEMBISA
ATrust your gut feeling and if something doesn’t feel right, then don’t do it. Dating at work may not be the most ideal thing to do as you may find it difficult separating work from your private life. Dating a married person, means you will always be second best, live with the guilt and societal judgement.
QMy husband says that I don’t satisfy him in bed, even though I’m doing everything to please him.
He has cheated on me before and I’m worried that this is his way of telling me that he will go out and cheat again. What should I do? ANONYMOUS, CAPE TOWN
AHE CLAIMS THAT I DON’T SATISFY HIM
If your husband loves you and is committed to your marriage, he will address whatever issues he has in his house. If sex is a problem, seek professional help from a sex therapist who can assess the situation and guide you accordingly. Going out to cheat is a sign of non-commitment and an excuse for misbehaving. That is called emotional blackmail, he wants to makes you feel responsible for his behaviour.