SIS NALEDI

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Q I WANT TO BE HIS SEC­OND WIFE

I can’t get over my baby daddy even though we’ve been sep­a­rated for seven years. He is now mar­ried to some­one else. I’m won­der­ing if he feels the same way. I’m even plan­ning on ask­ing him to take me as his sec­ond wife. ANONY­MOUS, MAHIKENG

AIt may take time to get an ex-lover out of your mind, es­pe­cially if you haven’t fallen in love again. What you feel may be lone­li­ness and feel­ings of not be­ing com­plete with­out him be­cause you had a good re­la­tion­ship with him at some point. We do not al­ways have to live with what our feel­ings long for; some­times what you feel is not sup­ported by re­al­ity. What made you break up with him is prob­a­bly still there and com­pro­mis­ing your­self by beg­ging for mar­riage as sec­ond best is very de­mean­ing. Be pa­tient with your­self and take time to date and find love again. Do not com­pro­mise your­self.

Q HE WANTS TO TAKE AN­OTHER WIFE

I am in a polyg­a­mous mar­riage and I love my hus­band. The prob­lem is that he wants to take a 9th wife. I al­ready don’t get along with my hus­band’s other wives. Should I leave? ANONY­MOUS, KWAMASHU

AFam­ily re­la­tion­ships are com­pli­cated, es­pe­cially when they are com­plex like a polygamy. You need to stay fo­cused on why you got into that mar­riage in the first place and see how best you can en­rich your work­ing re­la­tion­ships within the house­hold. Iden­tify the root of your un­hap­pi­ness and why you don’t get along with the other wives. Talk to your hus­band about how you feel and also hear his side of the story. You will then both be able to make a de­ci­sion on whether you should stay or not. Get­ting psy­chother­apy can also help you ex­plore your is­sues bet­ter be­fore mak­ing a de­ci­sion.

Q HE DE­NIES US

I have been in a re­la­tion­ship with a Zim­bab­wean man for five years. Since 2016, dif­fer­ent women claim that my boyfriend has a baby mama back home. What up­sets me is that he doesn’t want peo­ple to know about us. ANONY­MOUS, HILLBROW

AIt looks like there are trust is­sues in your re­la­tion­ship and it’s bet­ter to ad­dress that first. You will not achieve much by ad­dress­ing things peo­ple say. You need to ad­dress these is­sues with your part­ner if you have the same goals about your re­la­tion­ship. You can­not be feel­ing threat­ened by some­body he left if he lives with you, un­less you are not clear about why you are to­gether.

Q SHOULD I DI­VORCE HIM?

My hus­band of six years moved out of our house and went back to his par­ents’ house last De­cem­ber. When­ever he calls, he in­sults me. He is un­happy that I took our daugh­ter from him. Should I di­vorce him? ANONY­MOUS, WARMBATHS

AGet both fam­i­lies to talk about the is­sue and see if you can find a so­lu­tion. The child needs sta­bil­ity and a good re­la­tion­ship with both par­ents. If you fail to reach an agree­ment, ap­proach the fam­ily court.

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