Q I WANT TO BE HIS SECOND WIFE
I can’t get over my baby daddy even though we’ve been separated for seven years. He is now married to someone else. I’m wondering if he feels the same way. I’m even planning on asking him to take me as his second wife. ANONYMOUS, MAHIKENG
AIt may take time to get an ex-lover out of your mind, especially if you haven’t fallen in love again. What you feel may be loneliness and feelings of not being complete without him because you had a good relationship with him at some point. We do not always have to live with what our feelings long for; sometimes what you feel is not supported by reality. What made you break up with him is probably still there and compromising yourself by begging for marriage as second best is very demeaning. Be patient with yourself and take time to date and find love again. Do not compromise yourself.
Q HE WANTS TO TAKE ANOTHER WIFE
I am in a polygamous marriage and I love my husband. The problem is that he wants to take a 9th wife. I already don’t get along with my husband’s other wives. Should I leave? ANONYMOUS, KWAMASHU
AFamily relationships are complicated, especially when they are complex like a polygamy. You need to stay focused on why you got into that marriage in the first place and see how best you can enrich your working relationships within the household. Identify the root of your unhappiness and why you don’t get along with the other wives. Talk to your husband about how you feel and also hear his side of the story. You will then both be able to make a decision on whether you should stay or not. Getting psychotherapy can also help you explore your issues better before making a decision.
Q HE DENIES US
I have been in a relationship with a Zimbabwean man for five years. Since 2016, different women claim that my boyfriend has a baby mama back home. What upsets me is that he doesn’t want people to know about us. ANONYMOUS, HILLBROW
AIt looks like there are trust issues in your relationship and it’s better to address that first. You will not achieve much by addressing things people say. You need to address these issues with your partner if you have the same goals about your relationship. You cannot be feeling threatened by somebody he left if he lives with you, unless you are not clear about why you are together.
Q SHOULD I DIVORCE HIM?
My husband of six years moved out of our house and went back to his parents’ house last December. Whenever he calls, he insults me. He is unhappy that I took our daughter from him. Should I divorce him? ANONYMOUS, WARMBATHS
AGet both families to talk about the issue and see if you can find a solution. The child needs stability and a good relationship with both parents. If you fail to reach an agreement, approach the family court.