Un­der­stand­ing is key to mar­i­tal bliss

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IN RE­LA­TION to a col­umn in Au­gust, ti­tled “Why men don’t want a day”, I re­spond from a women’s per­spec­tive.

Women have a month ded­i­cated to them as ac­knowl­edge­ment of the past, their strug­gles, how they over­come these bat­tles and their cur­rent role in so­ci­ety.

Women are deemed stronger be­cause (among oth­ers) they have the abil­ity to en­dure a hard day at work, en­thu­si­as­ti­cally re­ceiv­ing fam­ily when they get home, lis­ten­ing at­ten­tively, tak­ing care of their ev­ery need and pro­vid­ing the same to their friends and fam­ily coun­ter­parts. Af­ter those re­spon­si­bil­i­ties will come time (if any) for their needs, be it “me time”, study time, or to per­form work tasks if they have a de­mand­ing job.

Once upon a time, a women’s place was at home, but due to eco­nomic pres­sure, cir­cum­stances dic­tate that both part­ners seek em­ploy­ment. There are many men who truly un­der­stand the im­por­tance of split­ting re­spon­si­bil­i­ties. The male species have de­fined them­selves as the ones who lay down the rules and are not heard or seen to per­form any task that was ded­i­cated only to a wo­man.

It is for this very rea­son that men aren’t given pub­lic recog­ni­tion for their con­tri­bu­tion as they want to avoid ex­ter­nal mockery. If only males would con­trol their “man ego”, ma­ture up and stop their crit­i­cisms, there would in­deed be more pub­lic recog­ni­tion for them.

To the women send­ing deroga­tory mes­sages re­gard­ing men, delet­ing mes­sages etc, per­haps the best way to un­der­stand is by de­ter­min­ing the deeper feel­ings of women.

Men do spend more time on so­cial plat­forms than pre­vi­ously; mes­sages of vary­ing con­tent are ex­changed, in­clud­ing on home life, and many find them an out­let to dis­cuss do­mes­tic is­sues with their male (and some­times fe­male) coun­ter­parts. Ev­ery in­di­vid­ual is en­ti­tled to pri­vacy and it’s for each cou­ple to de­ter­mine the rules of us­ing so­cial me­dia.

Love­less and prob­lem­atic mar­riages could be re­sult­ing from a com­bi­na­tion of is­sues. Women are ca­reeror­i­ented, opin­ion­ated, they have a life plan. They ex­pect com­mu­ni­ca­tion and con­sul­ta­tion from each other, while at the same time re­spect­ing and em­brac­ing each other’s be­liefs. Women are seek­ing an equal part­ner­ship but are all men will­ing and able to do the same? Are men and women be­ing neg­a­tively in­flu­enced by fam­ily and friends?

I am no coun­sel­lor and each day life teaches us new things. I be­lieve we need to be ob­ser­vant, learn lessons and pass on the teach­ings.

A pri­or­ity ob­jec­tive is ini­ti­at­ing self- aware­ness be­cause in­di­vid­u­als can only im­prove if they un­der­stand them­selves and the need to change. Hav­ing a pur­pose, un­der­stand­ing it and com­mit­ment, to­gether with team­work and con­tin­u­ous com­mu­ni­ca­tion, will likely lead to mar­i­tal suc­cess.

PRISCILLA NAIDOO

Dur­ban

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