If you do any­thing for long enough, funny things are bound to hap­pen. This ar­ti­cle is ded­i­cated to all those an­glers that have been, and con­tinue to the butt of these sit­u­a­tions.

SA Bass - - >> Sa Bass - >> Kevin Lof­st­edt*

Lip Ice? What could pos­si­bly be funny about Lip Ice? Well, this story was re­lated to me by an “ac­quain­tance”. A team was in the heat of bat­tle against an­other team, and a Lip Ice was loaned for an undis­closed pur­pose. Seems the of­fend­ing lender was ex­pe­ri­enc­ing a fairly se­ri­ous case of “ring sting” (the price of eat­ing curry of un­known ori­gin – I guess). I sus­pect that the owner of the said Lip Ice may not have been so gen­er­ous, had he known that it would be used to sooth lips (other than those on the face) that had been ac­costed by hot curry! Now here’s the funny part: The owner now hav­ing the “tainted” Lip Ice in ques­tion re­turned, had ap­plied some to his lips, keep the chaps away. Not long there­after, he fre­quently kept telling his boat part­ner that he could smell k*k the “hole” day! (This used to be a “se­cret”).

Then there was the time that some of us went fishing and of course were soooooo ex­cited to ar­rive at Fanie Botha (Tza­neen) be­fore ev­ery­one else. By 7pm we started won­der­ing if we were camp­ing in the wrong place, and started phon­ing around. Now I don’t want to point fingers or any­thing, but the per­son re­spon­si­ble was Alan, (sur­name the same as a fa­mous brand of Rum). He told me that this is what, where and why we were here. Af­ter try­ing his best to deny re­spon­si­bil­ity, it seems all the de­tails about the in­house comp were SPOT ON. Only we came on the wrong week­end, and were a week EARLY!

Telling the truth and Kharma! Many years ago, I had a boat built by a gen­tle­man named Alan Ross-Smith, who along with the late Char­lie Nor­man, had de­signed this bass boat. (They even made a VHS-video show­ing this thing of beauty – ahead of their time if you ask me) I was VERY adamant that the boat be ready for the Al­bert Falls Clas­sic, and the plan was to fish it with Alan Ross-Smith. Need­less to say we were still drilling and fit­ting the bat­tery bracket the night be­fore we left. We left early the next morn­ing and ar­rived safely at Al­bert Falls with enough time to give the boat its maiden test run. Af­ter be­ing on the wa­ter for about half an hour, we no­ticed that the boat seemed to be sit­ting rather low in the wa­ter. We opened one of the front hatches only to dis­cover that the boat had taken on about a mil­lion litres of wa­ter. We im­me­di­ately took the boat out and, on in­spec­tion found that when we’d drilled the holes for the bat­tery bracket, we’d in­ad­ver­tently drilled through the hull. NICE ONE! What now? We parked it on a down­hill and hoped that all the wa­ter would drain. It did; all ten litres of it! This wasn’t work­ing! We then drilled the hole big­ger (10mm) and two hours later the hull was empty. Woohoooo! We patched the hole and were ready for tour­na­ment. We had pre­vi­ously pitched the tent, but had spent no time there. When we got back to our site we found our­selves next door to a gen­tle­man that Alan had had a pre­vi­ous ex­pe­ri­ence with. (I think the words he used were “Oh! Sh*t”). When asked what was wrong, he told me that this guy knew ev­ery­thing about ev­ery­thing, and could be a “lit­tle ob­nox­ious”. Any­way, with­out an in­vi­ta­tion, this guy thought he would do us a favour and give us a lec­ture about Al­bert Falls, and his ex­ten­sive knowl­edge of an item called a Combo-Se­lec­tor. This was a gadget that one low­ered into the wa­ter to dif­fer­ent pre-de­ter­mined depths, and it would give you a pH-read­ing and tell you which colour would be best to use. Seems this guy had mapped the dam, and was go­ing to be “hard to beat”. The tour­na­ment started with­out a hitch, and we headed for the trees on the is­land and about an hour into the tour­na­ment we were fish­less. Then our “friend” ap­proached us and asked how we were do­ing. Be­fore I could say any­thing, Alan told him that I’d caught a beaut of about 3kg! “On what ?”, he yelled. Alan told me I should show him my spin­ner­bait. I did, and about two casts later, this gen­tle­man hooked into his own 3kg. Thanks for com­ing! Need­less to say, in this guy’s eyes, we are now his “best friends”. Never un­der­es­ti­mate Kharma! We did how­ever have the last laugh, be­cause just as we ran to jump in the van when we left, I farted into his tent door! We were still laugh­ing our heads off when we no­ticed Mr. Groot­bek walk­ing back from the show­ers!

Words of wis­dom:

The only true wis­dom is in know­ing that you know noth­ing - Socrates.

*Kevin Lof­st­edt is a well known vet­eran bass an­gler with three times South­ern Gaut­eng Colours since 1985. He is also the main founder of Clear­wa­ter Bass­mas­ters Bass Chap­ter (1994) and served thank­lessly on the chap­ter com­mit­tee for nine years. He be­lieves that: “With a sense of hu­mour, any­thing is pos­si­ble.”

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