If you do anything for long enough, funny things are bound to happen. This article is dedicated to all those anglers that have been, and continue to the butt of these situations.
Lip Ice? What could possibly be funny about Lip Ice? Well, this story was related to me by an “acquaintance”. A team was in the heat of battle against another team, and a Lip Ice was loaned for an undisclosed purpose. Seems the offending lender was experiencing a fairly serious case of “ring sting” (the price of eating curry of unknown origin – I guess). I suspect that the owner of the said Lip Ice may not have been so generous, had he known that it would be used to sooth lips (other than those on the face) that had been accosted by hot curry! Now here’s the funny part: The owner now having the “tainted” Lip Ice in question returned, had applied some to his lips, keep the chaps away. Not long thereafter, he frequently kept telling his boat partner that he could smell k*k the “hole” day! (This used to be a “secret”).
Then there was the time that some of us went fishing and of course were soooooo excited to arrive at Fanie Botha (Tzaneen) before everyone else. By 7pm we started wondering if we were camping in the wrong place, and started phoning around. Now I don’t want to point fingers or anything, but the person responsible was Alan, (surname the same as a famous brand of Rum). He told me that this is what, where and why we were here. After trying his best to deny responsibility, it seems all the details about the inhouse comp were SPOT ON. Only we came on the wrong weekend, and were a week EARLY!
Telling the truth and Kharma! Many years ago, I had a boat built by a gentleman named Alan Ross-Smith, who along with the late Charlie Norman, had designed this bass boat. (They even made a VHS-video showing this thing of beauty – ahead of their time if you ask me) I was VERY adamant that the boat be ready for the Albert Falls Classic, and the plan was to fish it with Alan Ross-Smith. Needless to say we were still drilling and fitting the battery bracket the night before we left. We left early the next morning and arrived safely at Albert Falls with enough time to give the boat its maiden test run. After being on the water for about half an hour, we noticed that the boat seemed to be sitting rather low in the water. We opened one of the front hatches only to discover that the boat had taken on about a million litres of water. We immediately took the boat out and, on inspection found that when we’d drilled the holes for the battery bracket, we’d inadvertently drilled through the hull. NICE ONE! What now? We parked it on a downhill and hoped that all the water would drain. It did; all ten litres of it! This wasn’t working! We then drilled the hole bigger (10mm) and two hours later the hull was empty. Woohoooo! We patched the hole and were ready for tournament. We had previously pitched the tent, but had spent no time there. When we got back to our site we found ourselves next door to a gentleman that Alan had had a previous experience with. (I think the words he used were “Oh! Sh*t”). When asked what was wrong, he told me that this guy knew everything about everything, and could be a “little obnoxious”. Anyway, without an invitation, this guy thought he would do us a favour and give us a lecture about Albert Falls, and his extensive knowledge of an item called a Combo-Selector. This was a gadget that one lowered into the water to different pre-determined depths, and it would give you a pH-reading and tell you which colour would be best to use. Seems this guy had mapped the dam, and was going to be “hard to beat”. The tournament started without a hitch, and we headed for the trees on the island and about an hour into the tournament we were fishless. Then our “friend” approached us and asked how we were doing. Before I could say anything, Alan told him that I’d caught a beaut of about 3kg! “On what ?”, he yelled. Alan told me I should show him my spinnerbait. I did, and about two casts later, this gentleman hooked into his own 3kg. Thanks for coming! Needless to say, in this guy’s eyes, we are now his “best friends”. Never underestimate Kharma! We did however have the last laugh, because just as we ran to jump in the van when we left, I farted into his tent door! We were still laughing our heads off when we noticed Mr. Grootbek walking back from the showers!
Words of wisdom:
The only true wisdom is in knowing that you know nothing - Socrates.
*Kevin Lofstedt is a well known veteran bass angler with three times Southern Gauteng Colours since 1985. He is also the main founder of Clearwater Bassmasters Bass Chapter (1994) and served thanklessly on the chapter committee for nine years. He believes that: “With a sense of humour, anything is possible.”