Real men know how to honour our women
ACCORDING to the Oxford Dictionary, equality is the state of being equal, especially in status, rights or opportunities.
Every year in August, we are presented with documents, figures, graphics and articles that show the progress (or lack thereof) of equality in our country since the heroic demonstrations of 1956.
However, as a young black man in the mercurial democratic South Africa, I am more perplexed by the reluctance of men to promote and actively participate in gender equality, especially at home, which also leads to a lack of chivalry.
The place of a woman today is still the kitchen. When the topics of home-cooked meals and laundry arise while hanging out with the boys, this is what you will hear:
The last time I ate a home-prepared meal was when my girlfriend visited.
The last time I had a homecooked meal was when I visited home.
I need to go home so my mom or the helper at home can do my laundry.
Or, eish, my place is a pigsty; my partner hasn’t visited me in a while.
Then you look into more pertinent and scary facts:
Women still cannot dress the way they like or feel without being harassed by men in malls, taxi ranks and so on. It’s still okay for us men to wear shorts, walk around the house or our yards topless with bellies hanging out.
Women still don’t feel safe in their houses. They tighten up the security. They have their doors and windows burglar-barred, etc. All these security features are in place because they fear intruders (men).
Women are still victims of domestic violence at the hands of the men in our country. They do all this in the name of love. (Love doesn’t hurt, it protects, it provides security. When someone says that they love you, you want to feel safe.)
Women are victims of murder at the hands of the very same men in our country. Men who are in relationships with them kill them. Love still doesn’t kill. We cannot keep our loved ones hostage. If they don’t want to be with you any more, you let them go.
Women cannot walk freely in their neighbourhoods in the afternoons or evenings. They cannot jog in the late evening; they cannot walk their dogs or walk to the nearest store without fear.
Young girls can’t even be looked after by their uncles. Parents are scared the uncles could molest or sexually harass their children.
You see, as men, we are the ones delaying the dream of Lillian Ngoyi, Helen Joseph, Rahima Moosa and Sophia Williams. Sixty years on, we are the reason why things haven’t sped up. Women are lagging because of men and this is the reason for the lack of progress we see.
The other disappointing part is our lack of chivalry. It looks as if courteous behaviour towards women by men my age is dying quickly.
We had organised a career exhibition for high and secondary school learners in our communities over the weekend.
After a successful event, we for med an entourage heading towards the nearest spot to buy some bunny chows and drinks.
I happened to be in the car with one of the ladies we were working with. On arrival, I asked her to remain seated and got out of the car to open the passenger door for her.
To say she was shocked would be an understatement.
“Wow, you opened the door for me! My man doesn’t do that. Oh wow, thank you, Kabelo.”
The group was watching and this simple, courteous gesture of opening the door for a lady started a whole new conversation.
The women ganged up against all male species. Luckily, no one was there with their partner, so we could all speak freely and honestly.
I won’t bore you with the details of the full conversation, but I need to share it with fellow men, young and old. However, the things they are asking of us are practical, doable, inexpensive and, most importantly, they won’t leave us bankrupt. Here is what I can remember:
Open the door for women. Allow them to go in the lift first. At meetings, pull out the chair for them.
Remember the special days in their lives, buy flowers, take them out for lunch or dinner.
It is still Women’s Month. As men, we should make it our business to usher in equality and chivalry at home and beyond.
To the beautiful women of this country, indeed Wathint’ Abafazi wathint’ imbokodo.
Happy Women’s Day, every day.