Saturday Star

Should a man cut into a woman’s conversati­on to help

- ADELÉ GREEN

NEVER cut into a woman’s conversati­on, and if you dare, beware the bewitching that you’ll have to bear. For decades the battle of the sexes has eluded any resolution. I won’t try to do it now but will highlight how important it is to not interrupt a woman who is busy talking.

This week’s question comes from Dan in Kroonstad: “My wife yells at me, saying that I don’t understand her when she tries to explain to me what happened. I interrupt her when she goes on and on but then she gets even more angry and says this is not what she needs. I don’t get it. What does she need if she doesn’t want me to fix it?”

Communicat­ion between men and women are questioned through generation­s and yet we are not taught with our role modelling how to master listening, and why listening is important.

Dear Dan, your wife needs to feel connected to you when she talks. In fact the whole point of her discussion is that there is no other point than to pay close attention to her every word as if you have never heard it before. If you try to fix what seems broken, she will not feel truly heard. She needs to feel close to you, which is why she talks. When she talks long enough she will figure out her own solution.

Hearing t hat s he does not need you to fix her problem seems counter-productive. When you cut in to help her deal with her issue, she interprets it as you not trusting her enough to find her own solution.

The result you get is the opposite of what you intended. And worse, there is no one else who can give her what she needs but you, her closest confidant. She already knows that you are able to fix her problem. In her own misguided way she is trying to show you that she can do this too. All she needs from you now is to listen.

I know you are great at focusing on a problem with the intention to deal with it once and for all, and then move on.

How are you supposed to talk to a woman for hours about something that seems so easy to fix?

When you love her, give her your ear and undivided attention anyway.

Look her in the eye and refrain from discussing anything else.

Sit quietly so she can experience a sense of value.

For a little while she is more important to you than sport, Steers and your favourite topic.

This is what all women want from men.

Women move energy in circles and men shift energy into a corner with their focus, move it and conquer the next issue.

When a man unwinds he will vent at sports and cry watching a sad movie. It is unacceptab­le to deal with real life emotions in public, because strong men don’t, but women do.

When a woman wants a man to fix her problem she will ask him but only after her uninterrup­ted talking. When you cut in, it only spurs her on to start all over again. When you trust that she will come up with the solution and just listen, your brownie points will go through the roof. Nothing can challenge a man like a woman does, and maybe that was exactly the point God tried to make when he invented women.

Adele Green is a transforma­tion specialist coach and the inter national author of Can You See Me Naked: grow in a conscious relationsh­ip. Post your burning question on www. adele-green.com/askadele/ or tweet her on @nakedwitha­dele with #askadele. Also listen to #360Brunch, Sundays on Mix93.8fm.

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