Sunday Times

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my tears fall on the black and white tiles of my bathroom floor, while my children play on screens, or eat candy, or do something I wish they weren’t doing, something they wouldn’t be doing if I was with them. Being a stable, present mother. Most days I am stable, but some days I’m being a person who is sick.

Let’s not kid, most mothers have been compelled on occasion to cry behind the bathroom door. We get frustrated and convinced we’re doing it all wrong, so we hide away for a few minutes and cry our anxiety out. It’s when you’re doing it for days on end that there is a problem.

I have a problem. But, make no mistake, I’m one of the lucky ones.

I didn’t actually live in this world until a doctor correctely diagnosed me at the age of 27. I kind of visited on occasion, but most of the time I was out there, in the elsewhere, being inaccessib­ly crazy, which is a pity, because this world is a nice place to be, it’s filled with beauty and wonder. LEAD a discipline­d “bipolar friendly” life. Every day I take a handful of psychiatri­c pills, and every day I thank God for those pills. I do yoga, visit a Chinese doctor, walk the promenade, have regular, early nights and avoid alcohol. But whatever I do, sometimes there will be migraines, chaos and inexplicab­le sadness.

It’s kind of like food poisoning, you can’t always put your finger on exactly what triggers it. But when it hits, it’s unavoidabl­y there.

A couple of weeks ago I found myself curled up on the bathroom floor. And the strange thing, after all these years fighting depression, I was still surprised. I had been so happy. But you see, mental illness doesn’t care how busy, happy, rich

 ??  ?? ROLLER COASTER: Rahla Xenopoulos was diagnosed at 27 with bipolar disorder
ROLLER COASTER: Rahla Xenopoulos was diagnosed at 27 with bipolar disorder

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