Let’s Talk About Sex
I’m a woman in my 30s and I struggle to have satisfying sex. How can I improve my chances of having an orgasm?
There are many factors that play into achieving an orgasm. Some may include sexual values — your attitudes about sex, including upbringing and religion. Some people may have negative feelings about being sexual, or may have experienced sexual trauma. Negative body image, your feelings about your partner or your feelings about yourself can make it difficult to have sexual pleasure.
Anxiety about an orgasm can be a major problem, so taking the time for self-pleasure is helpful for triggering an orgasmic response for the first time.
Generally, women can be more relaxed when their partner isn’t present, especially in the beginning, as they can take as much time as they need and are free to touch themselves in a way that feels good for them while not being focussed on pleasing a partner. Many women will experience their first orgasm alone, rather than with a partner.
Introducing vibrators or other sexual stimulation toys and lubricants may be helpful.
Sexual arousal occurs through blood flow to the genitals. This means that foreplay is important even during masturbation. The longer you’re in that pre-orgasm zone, often the bigger and more intense the orgasm will be.
Notice what works for you
Get to know what makes you aroused — fantasy, relaxation, erotic movies or literature. Pay attention to what path your arousal takes: the peak, plateau, what intensifies it, what ends it.
All orgasms are welcome, alone or with a partner, and the aim is for women to know what feels good and to communicate what feels good to them. You may be able to experience clitoral orgasm, G-spot and vaginal orgasm, and all three can be achieved by specific types of positions and the use of tongue, fingers and toys.