HOGARTH
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It’s not the crime, it’s the cover-up
When the Nkandla Crooner is not getting married, one of his aides is showing off his playboy traits. Siya Sintwa, Baba kaD’s former PA at Luthuli House, tried to douse fires by pouring a gallon of fuel on the flames.
Sintwa, a well-known socialite, was disputing claims doing the rounds on social media that he is the one who settled a R37 000 bill at a nightclub. Sintwa told the Sowetan he doesn’t spend more than R10 000 at a club and that he only buys three bottles of champagne for his “women” — not 14. Asked how his name became associated with the bill, Sintwa said: “Maybe [the rumours are being spread by] someone who is scorned because I took their girlfriend, because I am capable of that.” On realising he had exposed himself, he issued a statement the following day denying sharing these juicy details with Hogarth’s sister paper. So the Sowetan released a recording of the interview, which vindicated the paper. Clearly this condition is contagious.
No comment
Sintwa may have denied being a Casanova, but his Mr Miyagi took his loverboy ways to another level — hitting on an SABC journalist on live TV. The Nkandla Crooner was walking out of the High Court in Durban last Friday when a contingent of reporters rushed to get a comment from him. Instead of responding to pleas for comment, Baba kaD pulled out a taxi-rank pick-up line. “I lost your numbers. Please give them to this gentleman,” said Baba kaD, pointing to one of his bodyguards.
It may be the oldest pick-up line, but judging from previous results, it still works for the Nkandla Crooner.
A banner year
With Baba kaD out of the picture, one would have thought the New Dawn would spell the end of cringeworthy moments. But it seems
McBuffalo is still harbouring incompetent warm bodies in the highest office. How else do you explain the banner that was erected at a Youth Day event at Orlando Stadium, reading: “1967- 2018, 42 years of remembrance”. Not only is the author of the banner ignorant of history, their arithmetic is as bad as Baba kaD’s. The less said about the person who put it up, the better.
Relegation
Mosiuoa “Terror” Lekota has for a while ignored signs that it was time to close his COPE stokvel. This week he confirmed that he was the biggest political joke when he travelled all the way to Ladybrand in the Free State to donate three soccer balls to a local team. It’s clear Lekota believes in the mantra “It’s the thought that counts, not the number of the balls”.
Hlaudi cuckoo land
After resurfacing at uBaba’s court appearance last week, Hlaudi Motsoeneng headed to the Commission for Conciliation, Mediation and Arbitration, where he argued for being reinstated in his old job at Fawlty Towers. True to his style, he had very bizarre arguments to advance, including that he was removed from the SABC as part of a political agenda.
“I stand by my statement. I want to repeat: there is one Hlaudi in South Africa. I am unique. There cannot be another one. There is nothing wrong about that statement‚” Motsoeneng said.
For once Hogarth agrees with this clown. He’s in a league of his own!
May the forces stay with you
Hogarth’s mole at a recent ANC branch meeting on the East Rand was stunned by how the gathering was choreographed to produce a particular outcome. The “regional deployee” made funny signs to his “forces” to indicate how they should vote. He raised his hands when his preferred candidate was nominated and put them in his pockets to indicate that they not vote for a particular candidate. But as with all badly orchestrated plans, one of the “forces” deviated from the script and nominated Police Minister Bheki Cele to lead Gauteng — only to be reminded that Cele was actually from KwaZulu-Natal.