HOGARTH
There’s a Terror on my stoep
Mosiuoa Lekota, a former member of the Black Consciousness Movement, is one quote away from joining AfriForum. How else do you explain his latest rants on the expropriation-without-compensation debate? This week he told TimesLive that white people who own land did not get it for free, so the state must pay for it.
Hogarth thought that was what Kallie Kriel was being paid to say. At the rate Uncle Terror is going, even Steve Hofmeyr will soon lose relevance. Where is the militant Terror who was sent to Robben Island? Is this another lowbudget prank movie? Is that you, Schuks?
He brings Solly a six-pack every day
The Desperate Alliance is quickly catching up with Luthuli House in mastering the art of flashing the middle finger at the electorate. Newspaper reports exposed another cadre deployment scandal in the City of Tshwane. It turns out mayor Solly Msimanga hired a bodybuilder as a senior executive director in his office. Msimanga gave the R1-million-a-year job to Stefan de Villiers, whose only qualifications are a matric certificate and a “training certificate”. Moral of the story: a bit of muscle makes you fit for any job, especially this one.
Nature calls before galaxies
One of Hogarth’s spies attended the launch of the MeerKAT telescope, comprising those fancy contraptions planted in the middle of the cold Karoo that are able to see and read galaxies and stars.
Yep, every scientist’s dream. Since Cupcake is gallivanting somewhere between Abuja and Dubai, it was left to his deputy, the Cat (pun intended), to unveil the plaque. But it turned out that the Cat had to relieve himself before he could commence with formalities. Hogarth’s man was astonished to see his entire security detail following him to the makeshift loo erected next to one of the telescopes. This man takes no chances, not even when he’s taking a leak.
Merely a cat above the rest
Giving the keynote address at the event marking the launch of the geeky telescopes, the Cat was quite animated about pronunciation. At one point he reminded his audience that the name of the radio telescope, MeerKAT, should not be anglicised. “It is not MeerCAT, it is an Afrikaans word, it’s MeerKAT,” he exclaimed before laughing at his own attempt at humour.
This man is not just a mere cat, he knows things.
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? It’s Croatia?
Banking group Absa launched a massive rebranding campaign this week, but the public reaction was about as spirited as the company’s share price.
Absa apparently blew millions of rands on the redesign of its logo, which the friendly folk on social media pointed out looks like the ABS warning light on a car’s dashboard, or a WhatsApp status icon. But the biggest waste of moola seems to have been sending 300 drones into the sky over Johannesburg on Wednesday night to hover in formation in the shape of the new logo.
Apart from CEO Maria Ramos and her cavalry, hardly anyone saw this. Who in their right minds would be staring at the sky when a thrilling World Cup semifinal match was on? Oh Maria, you really should choose your moments — and your vanity gimmicks.
Call out the guard — hundreds of ’em
Hogarth is not surprised that the police’s Presidential Protection Unit has 81 officers for each of the politicians it protects. Let’s do the math. Two officers for McBuffalo and his wife, and 79 for each of his precious Ankole cattle. Nkandla is also filling up.
Eighty-one officers may just be adequate for each of Msholozi’s partners and their progeny. One officer for Kgalema Motlanthe and the remainder for each person who still remembers he was president.
With protection like this, no wonder some politicians “fear fokkol”.