I was plagued by fatigue, poor concentration and irritability. I began overeating

Throughout my adult years I had difficulties sleeping. I would wake at 3am and be unable to get out of bed or occupy myself constructively. My brain would fill with morbid thoughts. Thoughts of taking my life recurred. Life did not seem worth living. I was plagued by fatigue, poor concentration and irritability. I began overeating.

I discussed my symptoms with my brother, who is a physician. He prescribed antidepressants. My wife got me to join the gym.

I lost some weight but my low mood and insomnia continued. Daytime tiredness was really a problem now — nodding off at red traffic lights, falling asleep while doing homework with my daughter. At night my thoughts would repeatedly return to suicide.

I saw a psychiatrist. She changed the antidepressant. She referred me to a psychologist, recommended a mood diary and suggested practising mindfulness. I heeded her advice. My symptoms remained unchanged.

My medical aid does not pay for antidepressant medication, adding insult to injury. I was not so much bothered by the financial burden as that it demonstrated the medical fraternity’s contempt for depression.

After changing to a third antidepressant, things improved. If I woke up with suicidal ideas, I could now steer my thoughts away and fall asleep again. I awoke in the morning feeling rested. My concentration improved and I was able to experience joy again.

I am still amazed by how the right medicine, with a slightly different pharmacological mechanism, could change my thinking patterns within two days.

Many aspects of my life remain unchanged — my job, my family, my ambitious personality that expects too much of me. But they no longer drive me to despair. I am fine.