HOGARTH
No one was at the Maharani
Since this newspaper snitched on Baba kaDuduzane and his group, the Maharani hotel on Durban’s North Beach has become a spot to avoid. Hogarth’s colleague noticed a trend down in the kingdom as most KwaZuluNatal politicians answered their phones by saying: “Hello, Comrade. I was not at the Maharani last Thursday.”
Meet, greet, mislead
While Baba kaD couldn’t care less about the revelations that senior ANC leaders still report to him, one man who is in hot water is Ace Magashule. As the Makhulu Baas at Luthuli House, Magashule has some explaining to do. So he called the media to Pixley ka Isaka Seme Street, where he tried to explain why he met the Nkandla Crooner behind McBuffalo’s back. Hogarth was left more confused than before when Ace said: “I met with Zuma, but I did not intend on meeting with Zuma as a meeting is not necessarily a meeting to meet individuals but rather a meeting intended to meet with him in a capacity that we had already met.” Understood?
Party planners in the party
Magashule’s mumbling is understandable. How do you explain meeting people who have been rejected by the organisation you lead? Hogarth’s colleague quipped that discussing “organisational issues” with such people is like using broken parts to fix your car. Just tell us the truth, Ace. You were all planning Zuma’s seventh bachelor party, weren’t you?
A prisoner of his own delusion
So Baba kaD didn’t wait for the controversy over the meeting to die down before making a public appearance. When students at the Walter Sisulu University in Mthatha were bored this week, they invited the Nkandla Crooner just to have a good laugh. Oh boy, did he deliver!
The man who appointed the Zondo commission to investigate state capture now thinks that the state was never captured.
“My view‚ and I am not disagreeing with anyone‚ these politically decorated expressions … there is no state that is captured. Even when people try to describe it — worse, when they give evidence — there are some people who were doing things with other people‚” he said. Of course it is not the whole state that was captured, it was you and your cronies.
Sweet talk from Cupcake
They say flattery can get you everywhere — it can even get you out of trouble.
That’s exactly what Mr Ramaphoria employed to disempower those rowdy EFF MPs in the National Council of Pointlessness, particularly Nkagisang Koni.
She tried to rattle McBuffalo with what she thought would be an unpleasant question about Pravin Gordhan.
But the buffalo kept his cool as soon as he noticed Koni’s shy giggle as she went about her question.
“I thought you were smiling at me,” quipped Ramaphosa.
No wonder McBuffalo’s other nickname is Cupcake!
The back tells front what to do
So the ANC parliamentary office tells us Vincent Smith has stepped aside as chairperson of the committee dealing with the land question and of the justice portfolio committee. This comes after it emerged that this MP, who until recently was among the shining stars in the ANC benches, had received some undeclared benefits from dodgy tenderpreneurs. But Hogarth’s people in parliament could not help but notice that Smith’s stepping aside is nothing but an academic exercise to hoodwink the public. Sitting on the backbenches of the meeting of the constitutional review committee on Thursday, Smith still gave strategic direction to the gathering. And all his proposals were agreed to.