Blue boys n ball talk

Sunday World - - Shwashwi -

LAST Satur­day moi found moi-self among the sporty and fab­u­lous when Or­lando Pi­rates hosted their 75th birth­day party at the Sandton Con­ven­tion Cen­tre.

As classy as they are, gala din­ners can be frus­trat­ing due to the light­ing, which makes ev­ery­one in the room blue and orange, mak­ing it hard to dig for umgosi.

Oh, not for­get­ting that moi was made to sit at the back and the qual­ity of the pro­jec­tor screen was so poor it was sad. But that didn t kill the fun. There were a

’ few peeps worth writ­ing about.

Most of the soc­cer play­ers rocked up solo, in­clud­ing Benni Mccarthy and his greasy perm. That man just won t let up.

’ Un­less the in­vite spec­i­fied it was for only one per­son, I d rather not spec­u­late.

’ Any­way, it was no sur­prise that Robert Marawa was MC for the evening and that he did an im­pec­ca­ble job.

Talk­ing about im­pec­ca­ble, the Afrotenors were breath­tak­ing. So much so that the Iron Duke shed tears.

It was so heart-rend­ing that moi had to make use of my tis­sues as well. I too have feel­ings.

Poet Don Mat­tera got a stand­ing ova­tion for his poem. Oh, it was bootiful... ac­tu­ally I don t re­mem­ber what it was about.

’ That s be­cause some­one interrupted

’ my emo­tional mo­ment Andile Ncube in a

– suit and mi­nus his dread­locks.

And who was that mys­tery woman trail­ing him and watch­ing his ev­ery move?

Prob­a­bly his mum. How cute! Sigh. Then the 999 crew strolled in

– Arthur, Chomee and Arthur Jnr. For a mo­ment moi got ex­cited think­ing Chomee would whet our party ap­petite. Nope. Why did they bother to come?

Oupa Doc She­beleza looked as though he d come from play­ing bowls with se­nior

’ cit­i­zens. Why else would he wear that mas­sive white hat? At least he wore a black suit.

Moi thought Ken­neth Nkosi was gonna die from a laugh­ing spell when soc­cer le­gends Kaizer Mo­taung, Jomo Sono and Screamer Tsha­bal­ala had their mo­ment of glory on stage, rav­ing about their amaz­ing soc­cer ca­reers.

Screamer was on a roll. Won­der what he was on... they should ve hired a trans­la­tor

’ as the poor white peo­ple didn t get the

’ vernac. Shame. Rob­bie Malinga s a capella singing

’ made it hard for us to sip on our wine. So off-key and un­nec­es­sary. Irvin Khoza s speech didn t reach half

’ ’ the crowd be­cause they were yap­ping while he was dron­ing on.

Oh, but Sh­washwi is so proud of you. Not quite sure why, though, cos moi is clue­less about soc­cer.

Was Blade Nz­i­mande se­ri­ously wear­ing a red Cosatu shirt un­der that suit? Don t

’ you have a stylist, a wife, girl­friend or PA?

Oh, guess who else was there? Zwelinz­ima Vavi and wifey. Seems he doesn t mind costly par­ties af­ter all. Maybe

’ he took home dog­gie bags for the poor.

SO GRACE­FUL: Cosatu gen­eral sec­re­tary Zwelinz­ima Vavi and wife en­dured the friv­o­lous and ‘waste­ful’ par­ty­ing

HANNA HANNA: Irvin Khoza spoke but few lis­tened

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