Transatlantic non-stop drama
STURM und drang. In the US the fired former head of the FBI tells a Senate committee on intelligence the president is a liar. In Britain, the prime minister seeks an alliance with a tiny group of Ulster MPs to secure a fragile voting majority.
These are major distractions from major projects such as building a wall around Mexico and negotiating a triumphant exit for Britain from the EU.
In the US, the New Yorker reports a lockdown at the White House after a television set was hurled out of a window.
It was about the time former FBI head James Comey was giving evidence before the Senate committee.
“The incident caught the attention of the Secret Service after agents heard the sound of smashing glass emanating from the Oval Office.
“’The sound was consistent with that of a large object, such as a television set, being thrown through a closed window,’ a Secret Service spokesperson said.
“The television, which crashed to the ground outside the Oval Office, injured no one, the Secret Service confirmed.
“A group of fourth-grade students from Bethesda, Maryland, were on a White House tour when the incident involving the television occurred.
“I heard someone screaming lots of swear words and then, like, this big crash’, a student on the tour, said.”
Does this mean President Donald Trump has discovered an outlet other than tweeting?
It comes, of course, from satirist Andy Borowitz but, when you look at the continual squabbling between Democrats and Republicans on TV, the continual conflicting analyses and everything going around in circles and getting nowhere fast, Borowitz comes across as a straight man.
And when you look at what’s going on the other side of the Atlantic, they’re doing their best to catch up.
Jeremy Corbyn (Labour) swaggers about, saying he won the election and looks forward to becoming prime minister – though he won fewer seats by far than the Tories.
Theresa May says she’s going flat-out for Brexit, the talks just days away.
The Europeans say there’s nobody to negotiate with.
The mind, señor, she boggles.
Musical
NAOMI Stapersma sets some lines on the Drakensberg mountains (uKhahlamba, in Zulu) to the signature tune of a well-known musical.
Okhahlamba, where the wind comes whistling off the Berg
And the boys sing sweet as they stamp their feet!
When Eskom’s Dragon rumbles in its lair.
Ev’ry day my baby shoes and I
Walk around and hear a fish eagle cry
Hoping that its mate will soon reply.
We know we belong to this land
And the land we belong to is grand
And when we say Yeeow Ayipioeeay
We’re only saying you’re doing fine, Okhahlamba, Okhahlamba, OK! This is a must for the Drakensberg Boys’ Choir.
Police protection
AN ACCOUNT comes this way from a fellow who urges us to be careful with our spelling.
“I wrote a romantic message to my wife while I was away on a business trip and I missed an ‘e’ in the last word.
“Now I need police protection to enter my own house.
“I wrote: ‘Hi darling I’m enjoying myself and having a great time. I wish you were her!”
Read carefully
SOME instructions on British consumer goods:
Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) – “Do not turn upside down."
Sainsbury’s peanuts – “Warning: contains nuts.”
Boots Children Cough Medicine – “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”
Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding – “Product will be hot after heating.”
A Pifco hairdryer – “Do not use while sleeping.”
A bar of Dial soap –“Directions: Use like regular soap.”
Swanson frozen dinners – “Serving suggestion: Defrost.”
A Rowenta iron – “Do not iron clothes on body.
Nytol Sleep Aid – “Warning: May cause drowsiness.”
Christmas lights – “For indoor or outdoor use only.”
A Japanese food processor – “Not to be used for the other use.”
A Swedish chainsaw – “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.”
Yes, you can never be too careful.
Tailpiece
SHE GOT a ladder in her stocking. These shoplifters get more ambitious by the day.
Last word
I WOULD rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it. – Thomas Jefferson