LOVE IN THE LIME­LIGHT

Ac­tress and TV pre­sen­ter SALAM­INA MOS­ESE (32) has been mar­ried to TSHEPO “HOWZA” MOS­ESE (32) for seven years. She tells us how they sus­tain their STRONG UNION in a fickle in­dus­try.

True Love Bride - - Cover Story | Bride - By Katleho Khoaele Pho­to­graph Jurie Pot­gi­eter

Tshepo and I met as two young­sters act­ing on e.tv’s Back­stage, and we in­stantly be­came friends. Our con­nec­tion was so nat­u­ral. We talked for hours about ab­so­lutely ev­ery­thing, and our friend­ship be­came the foun­da­tion of our courtship. I don’t think I can say that there was a mo­ment when I knew for sure that he was the one, but what I did know was that he was some­one I could love for­ever.

OVER­COM­ING FEAR AND PAIN

I was not in a good space be­fore I met Tshepo. I had many wounds to lick be­fore I could trust some­one with my heart again. But he was pa­tient with me, and nursed my heart and spoke peace to the fears I had around the sub­ject of mar­riage. It was a long road for both of us.

Tshepo is an easy-go­ing, pa­tient, kind-hearted and funny man who has made me feel like the most spe­cial woman in his life from the very be­gin­ning. He pro­posed af­ter four months of dat­ing. We couldn’t wait to get mar­ried and were happy when we in­volved the fam­i­lies to start with the ne­go­ti­a­tion talks.

When I told my par­ents we were get­ting mar­ried, they thought we were preg­nant and too scared to say so. They were wor­ried that we didn’t know each other well enough when we got en­gaged, but my fam­ily had al­ready adopted Howza.

My par­ents loved him from the start, so they even­tu­ally ac­cepted our de­ci­sion, es­pe­cially when we said we felt ready to take the next step in our re­la­tion­ship. His par­ents had no fears or wor­ries about us get­ting mar­ried. We were en­gaged for about two years be­fore we tied the knot.

Although it was an easy de­ci­sion for us to get mar­ried, we also took the op­por­tu­nity to go through pre­mar­riage coun­selling be­cause we wanted to feel like we had done our home­work be­fore tak­ing the big step.

I got mar­ried in my twen­ties, and I ob­vi­ously had my fears about mar­riage. I was wor­ried whether it would work out or not. It’s only nat­u­ral to want your mar­riage to last. I didn’t ex­pect per­fec­tion and I was aware that it wouldn’t be but­ter­flies and roses all the time. I had to ask my­self whether I was ready to work on my­self first, and if I could learn how to hold my tongue when nec­es­sary and when to speak up.

There is a level of ma­tu­rity that comes from shar­ing your life with some­one. It is not an in­nate qual­ity, but one that you con­stantly have to work at. I think whether you are an old or young cou­ple, the chal­lenges of mar­ried life are the same. You have to try to find a way to nav­i­gate the dif­fi­cul­ties as they come.

LOVE IN THE PUBLIC EYE

Even though Tshepo and I work in the en­ter­tain­ment in­dus­try, we are un­com­fort­able with the at­ten­tion we get as a mar­ried cou­ple. Be­ing pri­vate and not putting our re­la­tion­ship up for public scru­tiny is what sus­tains our union. We are not about love in the time of so­cial media, and it’s our choice how we en­gage with each other on so­cial media plat­forms. Even though we are on so­cial media and ac­ces­si­ble to peo­ple, we have been for­tu­nate that the public has never openly crit­i­cised our mar­riage. I think when you are not con­stantly in peo­ple’s faces, they have less to say.

When you get mar­ried to some­one, even if they are well known, you don’t do it for head­lines or to sell news­pa­pers. I would be wor­ried if peo­ple did. Peo­ple see the glitz and glam­our, for­get­ting that we also go through strug­gles. There have been times when we were not get­ting any work, as it’s the na­ture of the in­dus­try. But that’s also a way life tests the strength of our mar­riage. Dur­ing the times when we were both with­out gigs, it was easy to lose hope, but we had to find ways to mo­ti­vate each other.

Prayer has been our sav­ing grace dur­ing try­ing times. We are also lucky to have great sup­port sys­tems in our par­ents, which has helped us a lot. We’ve been mar­ried for seven years now, and once in a while you have to re­mind your­self of your great­est achieve­ments in your mar­riage. De­spite the hard­ships of the in­dus­try, we celebrate the fact that we still like each other, never mind love each other.

Re­la­tion­ships should not be glo­ri­fied or put on a pedestal, be­cause peo­ple nat­u­rally have flaws. We un­der­stand that a mar­riage re­quires con­stant work, and so we al­ways re­mem­ber why we wanted to get into it in the first place. I think of it as the cre­ation of some­thing new by two com­pletely dif­fer­ent peo­ple who have their own stuff. Any­one who has ever had to build some­thing mean­ing­ful and solid will tell you that it’s not easy.

THELESSONS

With all the love and sweet­ness, we are for­ever learn­ing some­thing new within our mar­riage. Peo­ple are al­ways grow­ing and chang­ing, be­cause it is part of life. But this is what some­times leads to chal­lenges within a mar­riage. I have learned that I am not as easy to live with as I thought I was.

Another thing I’m learn­ing is the art of bal­ance. Some­times there are a mil­lion things that need your at­ten­tion, es­pe­cially as a woman, and you can’t do them all at the same time. So learn­ing to pri­ori­tise and pick­ing your bat­tles is an ab­so­lute ne­ces­sity within a mar­riage.

Mar­riage is not easy, and you ex­pe­ri­ence things that you didn’t pre­pare for. In the years we’ve been to­gether, Tshepo and I have gone through the big­gest hur­dles. We’ve both had health scares: my hus­band has di­a­betes and I suf­fered a stroke. Our daugh­ter also got sick, which was hard for us as par­ents. The health scares made us re­assess what is im­por­tant to us and made us value our fam­ily in ways we couldn’t imag­ine.

FAM­ILY TIME

Our four-year-old daugh­ter, Tumi, has def­i­nitely changed the dy­nam­ics of my re­la­tion­ship with my hus­band. She is a lively, con­fi­dent and bub­bly lit­tle girl who loves at­ten­tion. She has forced both of us to be less self­ish with our time and, like any child, she has dou­bled our joy. Now when she is not around, we both feel like some­thing is miss­ing.

We waited three years be­fore we had Tumi, and when she came into our lives, it felt like a new chap­ter in the re­la­tion­ship. Chil­dren change your re­la­tion­ship in a big way, but they are a great ad­di­tion.

Our mar­riage has de­vel­oped over the years be­cause we have grown as peo­ple. We have set­tled into our­selves more, so we are se­cure and have learned to com­mu­ni­cate bet­ter. It’s still nowhere near per­fect, but that is okay.

The best thing about our mar­riage right now is that we al­low each other to be our­selves. We have started our own fam­ily cul­ture. We give each other free­dom, and al­low our­selves to have lives out­side of each other. We still have friends that are not mu­tual friends.

I want him to choose to spend time with me, and never feel forced to do so. This goes both ways. So­ci­ety will al­ways have rules and reg­u­la­tions, but it’s im­por­tant to fig­ure out what works for us and what doesn’t. That’s what guides us in the de­ci­sions that we make for our­selves.

Even though we have changed and grown as in­di­vid­u­als and a cou­ple, one thing that is con­stant is that we rel­ish do­ing fun things to­gether. We love spend­ing time watch­ing movies on the couch all day. We even get up­set when mes­sages come in when we are watch­ing our favourite movies. My par­ents once came to sur­prise us, and they were call­ing from the gate, but we were so into the movie that nei­ther of us an­swered our phones. When they even­tu­ally came in, we were so em­bar­rassed for ig­nor­ing their calls! They now know not to call on movie nights. I love movie nights with my hus­band be­cause I get to spend more time with him and he’s great com­pany.

NO EX­PERTS

I don’t like giv­ing ad­vice to new­ly­weds be­cause we are re­ally not mar­riage ex­perts. We are also just a young cou­ple try­ing to fig­ure it all out to­gether. How­ever, one thing that we know for sure is that it’s im­por­tant to pray for each other and al­ways keep the chan­nels of com­mu­ni­ca­tion open.

Also, don’t try to be a dif­fer­ent per­son to fit into the re­la­tion­ship, be­cause it will leave you ex­hausted. Be true to who you are and what you like. You have to con­stantly ig­nite the love and make sure that you are al­ways on the same page. What has worked for us through­out the years is com­mu­ni­ca­tion and more com­mu­ni­ca­tion

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from South Africa

© PressReader. All rights reserved.