Great Sex

It's all about con­fi­dence

True Love - - Front Page - By Gabrielle Nathan

Whether you want to feel body fab­u­lous, try a new po­si­tion or even just keep the lights on, we could all use a lit­tle ex­tra con­fi­dence in the bed­room. From flat­ter­ing undies to self-hyp­no­sis, we’ve found the best ways to send your sex-per­tise sky high.


It might sound counter-in­tu­itive, but some­times it can be far sex­ier to leave some­thing to the imag­i­na­tion. Lots of men agree that half the fun of a sex­ual en­counter is un­wrap­ping the ‘pack­ag­ing’ – and if that con­ve­niently al­lows us to cover our wob­bly bits, we’re not go­ing to ar­gue. Sisanda, 34, used this trick to deal with her shy­ness. “Of course, there are parts of my body that I’d like to change, but I know my man loves my curves. So I put on a fig­ure-hug­ging dress, stock­ings, sexy heels and a trench coat. I felt re­ally hot, and I let him un­wrap me piece by piece.” Re­mem­ber that a floaty camisole or lacy pair of French un­der­wear can be both for­giv­ing and tan­ta­lis­ing, so go ahead and dress up!


If, like Nomsa, 36, and her man, Muzi, 41, you’ve spent the evening star­ing at the TV rather than talk­ing to each other, you’re un­likely to want to make love as soon as you enter the bed­room. In­stead, start the fore­play by spend­ing qual­ity time to­gether. It doesn’t have to be a can­dlelit din­ner: sim­ply turn off the telly and while main­tain­ing eye con­tact tell your man ex­actly why you find him so sexy. “It ex­cited us to know that after sup­per, we’d cosy up in the couch before tak­ing it to the bed­room,” says Nomsa. If it goes well, you might not make it to the bed­room…


If you’re go­ing to pre­pare din­ner, cer­tain foods of­fer dis­tinct bed­room ad­van­tages. “The vi­ta­mins, min­er­als and an­tiox­i­dants in fruit and veg­eta­bles can en­cour­age blood flow to all ar­eas of the body,” says sex­ual health ex­pert and psy­cho­sex­ual spe­cial­ist Dr Cather­ine Hood. “Pump­kin seeds, nuts and al­monds all have high lev­els of argi­nine, an amino acid that helps in­crease the lev­els of blood in the gen­i­tals,” she says. Ac­cord­ing to Ja­panese stud­ies, spinach is a po­tent source of mag­ne­sium, which helps di­late the blood ves­sels. The blood will flow to the gen­i­tals, cre­at­ing greater arousal. So, in­crease your veggie in­take and feel the change, lit­er­ally.


Most of us have habits that we can’t let go of, like read­ing before we sleep. This time, put down that busi­ness book, and pick up a novel about ro­mance and se­duc­tion. It doesn’t have to be the Kama Su­tra, but a spot of stim­u­lat­ing bed­time read­ing could get you both in the mood and pro­vide tips and in­spi­ra­tion. Try read­ing the racy para­graphs out loud! “My man and I are al­ways read­ing fi­nan­cial news on our tablets before we go to bed. One day, I down­loaded a racy book and read it out to loud to see if he was in­ter­ested. Need­less to say, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other after that,” says Sihle, 42.


“Close your eyes, breathe deeply and evenly and think of the sex­i­est woman you can,” says clin­i­cal hyp­nother­a­pist Lisa Jack­son. “An­a­lyse ev­ery­thing that makes her al­lur­ing, whether it's a couldn'tcare-less at­ti­tude about less-than-per­fect hair (think Halle Berry), an I've-got-it-so-I'll-flaunt it ap­proach to a cer­tain body part (like J-Lo) or a stun­ning smile. Next, imag­ine what it would ac­tu­ally feel like to be her. How would you speak to your lover? What would you do? Re­peat this exercise twice a day for a week. Then, when you're in bed, re­call this imag­ined con­fi­dence and un­leash your in­ner sex god­dess.”


No, not ‘turn off the lights and dive un­der the cov­ers'. Think soft fo­cus rather than pitch black. If you don't want to change your light­bulbs, place a thin scarf or square of fab­ric over your lamp­shade to mute the glare. Siya, 29, says: “It's amaz­ing what a dimly lit room can do to your con­fi­dence. There's just some­thing sul­try and se­duc­tive about it.” Dim light­ing is more flat­ter­ing and en­cour­ages your body to pro­duce mela­tonin, the sleep hor­mone that makes you feel more re­laxed.


Sex­ual con­fi­dence often comes from how we make the other per­son feel – and mak­ing some­one happy in the bed­room isn't just about sex. A sen­sual mas­sage is a fan­tas­tic way to give your partner plea­sure and, con­se­quently, boost your bed­room con­fi­dence. “I used to dread fore­play be­cause I as­sumed Senzo wanted to just get the sex over and done with. A read an ar­ti­cle that sug­gested phys­i­cal touch was a way to make sex more in­ter­est­ing. A mas­sage was the eas­i­est way to switch things up be­cause it didn't re­quire any ex­tra tools,” says Zinzi, 35. Us­ing light strokes, gen­tly ca­ress your man's body, remembering to al­ways work to­wards the heart. A silky, beau­ti­fully scented oil helps, too.


If your con­fi­dence is dented be­cause you're find­ing it hard to reach or­gasm, in­crease your sen­si­tiv­ity with a lit­tle her­bal help and es­sen­tial oils. Oils like gin­ger, ylang ylang, black pep­per and nut­meg are known to boost your sex drive. Also, there is a wide range of sex toys that you can ex­plore. Visit a shop with your man and find tools that both of you can ex­per­i­ment with in the bed­room. “My con­fi­dence has shot through the roof ever since I in­tro­duced a few toys in our bed­room. I did all the re­search, so Mandla thinks I'm a sex god­dess!,” says Menzi. Or, be dar­ing and try a few by your­self and sur­prise your man with new tricks that you've picked up on. En­joy!

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