Sex – How to or­gasm ev­ery time

Hav­ing trou­ble reach­ing the big ‘O’? Read the fol­low­ing tips from women who took mat­ters into their own hands

True Love - - CONTENTS - By AYANDA NKONYANA

Sex is great. Or­gasms are even bet­ter. They sig­nal pure plea­sure, yet, some women never get to ex­pe­ri­ence that toe-curl­ing sen­sa­tion that leaves most women feel­ing like they’ve just had an out-of-body ex­pe­ri­ence. What’s the best way to get an or­gasm? Why have some women never ex­pe­ri­enced it? Re­search shows that women are less likely to or­gasm dur­ing sex than men. So, if you’re hav­ing dif­fi­cul­ties with or­gasms you’re not alone, and most im­por­tantly, there’s ab­so­lutely noth­ing wrong with you. Ac­cord­ing to a 2017 study pub­lished in the Ar­chives of Sex­ual Be­hav­iour, only 35% of het­ero­sex­ual women who par­tic­i­pated in the sur­vey al­ways or usu­ally or­gasm dur­ing vagi­nal sex alone, with 44% say­ing they rarely or never did. The re­searchers sug­gested a com­bi­na­tion of oral sex, deep kiss­ing and gen­i­tal stim­u­la­tion to in­crease the chances of ex­pe­ri­enc­ing an or­gasm. A 2014 study pub­lished in the Jour­nal of Sex­ual Medicine re­vealed that the chances of cli­max­ing dur­ing ca­sual sex are as slim as 62.9% be­cause women mostly or­gasm reg­u­larly with a fa­mil­iar part­ner, while men or­gasm 85.1% of the time. But is it all doom and gloom down there? We asked five women to share their or­gasm tips and tales.

*NOKULUNGA MBHELE, 25

“I never had or­gasms with my first boyfriend, and as­sumed some­thing was wrong with me, es­pe­cially be­cause my friends would harp on about how amaz­ing their sex lives were. How­ever, things have changed with my cur­rent man. One day, we didn’t change po­si­tions and kept at the same pace un­til I felt my whole body tin­gle. I couldn’t con­trol my body and be­fore I knew it, I had reached an or­gasm. It was the best feel­ing ever! Since that day, I know that I’m guar­an­teed an or­gasm each time my boyfriend keeps up the same repet­i­tive pace. My best po­si­tion is the ‘leg­endary’ mis­sion­ary as my cli­toris rubs up against my man’s gen­i­tals dur­ing pen­e­tra­tion. Be­ing on top is also help­ful since it gives me more con­trol over the spots that would or­di­nar­ily re­ceive less stim­u­la­tion.”

*LEBOHANG SE­TUMO, 35

“I never strug­gle with or­gasms. I al­ways tell my friends that every­one is ca­pa­ble of an or­gasm; it’s just a mat­ter of know­ing your body and com­mu­ni­cat­ing what pleases you. And that’s where mas­tur­ba­tion comes in (no pun in­tended!). You need to be able to get your­self off be­fore some­one else does. One night, my boyfriend was away on a work trip and out of bore­dom, I gave mas­tur­ba­tion a shot. It se­ri­ously used to in­tim­i­date me. Fol­low­ing that in­ci­dent, I be­came very spe­cific in the bed­room. Now I know for sure that the path to an ex­hil­a­rat­ing or­gasm starts with first fig­ur­ing out your body be­fore ex­pect­ing some­one else to know your plea­sure spots. I usu­ally rub my cli­toris gen­tly while my man is on top dur­ing in­ter­course. That way, I reach a blended or­gasm, which hap­pens when the vagina and cli­toris or­gasm si­mul­ta­ne­ously.”

*MARY GUMEDE, 50

“I al­ways tell my friends that fore­play is key. One of the most com­mon rea­sons women fail to cli­max is that cou­ples sel­dom spend enough time teas­ing and play­ing with each other be­fore sex. To in­crease your chances of an or­gasm, you first need to pre­pare your body for sex. My hus­band and I be­gin our fore­play 15 min­utes be­fore we ac­tu­ally start mak­ing love, which helps cre­ate sex­ual ten­sion. Fore­play also helps him to last longer in bed, and the longer the ses­sion, the more in­tense our cli­max is. While we’re kiss­ing, I let his hands roam to my sen­si­tive spots, some­times I or­gasm dur­ing fore­play and again dur­ing sex – isn’t that awe­some? As women, we re­quire arousal be­fore an or­gasm, even though the type of stim­u­la­tion may dif­fer from woman to woman.”

*THOBILE ZULU, 43

“I didn’t or­gasm dur­ing sex un­til I was in my 30s. This used to cause me so much dis­tress that I would even ob­sess about it dur­ing sex. Things changed when I met my now hus­band. He was so gen­tle and re­as­sur­ing, and went out of his way to make me feel re­laxed and com­fort­able. One day, I felt a tin­gling sen­sa­tion dur­ing sex and was con­vinced it was my pee. I stopped him in­stantly and rushed to the bath­room. The next time this hap­pened, he told me that I was ex­pe­ri­enc­ing an or­gasm and asked that I stay put. I’d been ca­pa­ble of hav­ing or­gasms all along but pan­icked in­stead of lis­ten­ing to my body. My sex life has changed for the bet­ter. Now, I al­ways re­lax be­fore sex and rel­ish ev­ery mo­ment dur­ing pen­e­tra­tion. Stress­ing while also try­ing to con­cen­trate on hav­ing an or­gasm only makes mat­ters worse. RE­LAX! ”

*NQOBILE ZWANE, 28

“I didn’t trust on­line sex ar­ti­cles for the long­est time. But there was one that once caught my eye so I read ex­ten­sively on it and put it to the test — it had sug­gested kegel ex­er­cises. I did them reg­u­larly and be­fore I knew it, mak­ing love to my boyfriend be­came such a de­light. Kegels help me stay aroused dur­ing sex, which even­tu­ally leads to me reach­ing that all-im­por­tant but some­times elu­sive cli­max. I’m also big on the squeez­ing tech­nique, where I tighten my vagina mus­cles as my boyfriend pen­e­trates me. I usu­ally start feel­ing these strong waves of plea­sure ap­proach­ing un­til I even­tu­ally reach a peak. Plus, the harder you tighten, the firmer the grip around your part­ner’s pe­nis. This, will in­crease the fric­tion you feel lead­ing up to your or­gasm."

There you have it. There are al­ways var­i­ous routes to help you reach des­ti­na­tion ‘O’. You just need to find out what it is that gets your body ex­cited, and let your part­ner know so he can ad­just his moves ac­cord­ingly. Or bet­ter yet, guide him to help you reach that ex­plo­sive or­gasm! *Not their real names

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