Two & A Half Men

Two & A Half Men cel­e­brates its 12-sea­son run with a killer fi­nale.

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Two & A Half Men

Sea­son 12 Wed­nes­days M-Net 20:00

Has Two & A Half Men (2003-2015) re­ally been camp­ing on our couch like Alan Harper (Jon Cryer) for 10 years now? It’s true. The show de­buted in 2005 on South African screens and while some view­ers think that it’s over­stayed its wel­come as much as Alan has, 13 mil­lion fans tuned in when the se­ries fi­nale aired in the US in Fe­bru­ary this year. And now it’s our turn to say good­bye with a two-part fi­nale on Wed­nes­days 27 May and 3 June. The episodes are a gift to the show’s fans who’ve stuck through thick and thin over the years and de­voured the show’s re­al­life be­hind-the-scenes drama too. Our only dis­ap­point­ment? De­spite all the hint­ing, for­mer lead star Char­lie Sheen doesn’t ap­pear in the fi­nale as Alan’s “dead” brother Char­lie Harper. But that doesn’t mean he’s not with us in spirit… or car­toon form (in­clud­ing a cameo ap­pear­ance by Porky Pig in a bra)… or as Chris­tian Slater in a bowl­ing shirt… or as a body dou­ble.

AC­CORD­ING TO ARNOLD

Alan and Walden (Ash­ton Kutcher) get threat­en­ing mes­sages that they be­lieve could be from Char­lie (Harper, not Sheen), so they go to the cops. An in­cred­u­lous Lieu­tenant Wag­ner (Arnold Sch­warzeneg­ger) re­caps the plot of the past 12 sea­sons based on their state­ments in a de­tailed “you have to see if to be­lieve it” mono­logue. In all the insanity, what Wag­ner can’t get his head around is that any­one would let Alan stay with them rent-free. Nei­ther can we. But it turns out that the pair are right: Char­lie is very much alive!

HELLO & GOOD­BYE

The fi­nale also wel­comes back a host of old friends, like Char­lie’s stalker-turned kid­nap­per and dun­geon rapist Rose (Me­lanie Lynskey), Alan’s de­light­ful dimwit ex-wife Kandi (April Bowlby), Walden’s heart­break­ing ex Zoey Hy­deTot­ting­ham-Pierce (So­phie Winkel­man), Jake’s teacher-turned-strip­per-turnedChris­tian-turned-strip­per Miss Paster­nak (Missi Pyle), Char­lie’s ex-fi­ancée Chelsea (Jen­nifer Tay­lor) and Mia (Em­manuelle Vaugier), the girl who made Char­lie choose be­tween her and Alan. Best of all, de­spite hav­ing called the show filth dur­ing a re­li­gious rant in

2012, An­gus T Jones re­turns – for one scene – as Jake Harper. He’s back and he’s rich from gam­bling on a game he chose be­cause its name is a rude word. Walden ob­serves, “That’s amaz­ing that you made so much money with such stupid jokes.” The same could be said of the show it­self and that’s just one of many hi­lar­i­ous in-jokes and lit­tle winks to the fans. Let’s wink right back…

TWO & A HALF LAUGHS

Af­ter 12 years, Two & A Half Men’s de­liv­ered plenty sit­com silli­ness. Some mo­ments are just sim­ply un­for­get­table… like th­ese:

ALAN (JON CRYER)

Best mo­ment! Be­com­ing Evil Alan when he starts a Ponzi scheme in sea­son 8 (2010) and spends all his friends’ money on lux­u­ri­ous living. For a cou­ple of bliss­ful episodes in a life­time of be­ing Fate’s favourite vic­tim of abuse, Alan’s on top.

WALDEN (ASH­TON KUTCHER)

Best mo­ment! He smooches Alan dur­ing their wed­ding in episode 2 of sea­son 12 (2014) with all the sin­cer­ity and heart that he puts into his vows, and he gets Michael Bolton to ser­e­nade him. Walden is the king of cheesi­ness… and we love it.

JAKE (AN­GUS T JONES)

Best mo­ment! Hap­pily dresses for and at­tends a fu­neral in sea­son 2 (2004) on the un­der­stand­ing that he’ll be able to feast his in­no­cent lit­tle eyes on a real-life dead guy. Jake’s id­iocy and fart­ing will live on in our hearts even though in the se­ries fi­nale he looks like he ei­ther lives un­der a bridge or kills peo­ple who do.

CHAR­LIE (CHAR­LIE SHEEN)

Best mo­ment! As his kids’ en­ter­tainer per­sona Char­lie Waf­fles, he writes and per­forms in­ap­pro­pri­ate kids jin­gles – like Bye Bye Boo­bies – while drunk, in sea­son 5 (2007). So true to life that we could cry.

EVE­LYN (HOL­LAND TAY­LOR)

Best mo­ment! Ev­ery time she opens that evil snake mouth of hers and drips dis­ap­pointed venom on her sons is bliss. STD jokes aside, ac­cus­ing Char­lie of be­ing will­ing to have sex with any­thing, in­clud­ing a grilled cheese sand­wich, in sea­son 4 (2000) is a high point.

ROSE (ME­LANIE LYNSKEY)

Best mo­ment! Sneak­ily hav­ing a full church wed­ding and mar­ry­ing a man­nequin in sea­son 8 (2010) be­cause she knows that Char­lie finds mar­ried women ir­re­sistible. It works!

BERTA (CONCHATA FER­RELL)

Best mo­ment! She takes the nosy house­keeper cliché to new heights when she sleeps over in the laun­dry be­cause she doesn’t want to miss a mo­ment when Eve­lyn dates Bill (Chris O’Don­nell), who’s re­ally Char­lie’s ex- girl­friend Jill af­ter a sex change, in sea­son 1 (2004).

JENNY (AM­BER TAM­BLYN)

Best mo­ment! When she in­tro­duces Walden to her girl­friend Brooke as “the man who runs the Alan sanc­tu­ary”, in sea­son 11 (2013).

LOUIS (EDAN ALEXANDER)

Best mo­ment! When his adorable lit­tle face ap­pears in episode 5 of sea­son 12 (2014) and we want to pinch his dim­pled cheeks, put him on TV and make money off him. And that time in episode 6 when he ab­so­lutely re­fuses to let go of the box of ce­real in the su­per­mar­ket.

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