ANC spat lets Zille get away with jew­els

Weekend Argus (Saturday Edition) - - NEWS -

THE ANC’s Max Ozin­sky and Ebrahim Ra­sool have re­port­edly been re­called from their posts in Par­lia­ment over their on­go­ing pub­lic spat, which has left se­nior ANC leaders rem­i­nisc­ing about the good old days when top­pling gov­ern­ments didn’t in­volve back­stab­bing and per­sonal agen­das.

Po­lit­i­cal an­a­lyst Ge­orge SpeekasKorna said the pair were like the sons of a de­ceased mil­lion­aire fight­ing over the spoils of the es­tate. “They’ve been go­ing at each other for years.

“To the ex­tent that they failed to spot ugly step­mother He­len Zille slip­ping off with the jew­els.”

On Tues­day the ANC fi­nally took action when six of the party’s re­main­ing 21 West­ern Cape mem­bers re­signed in dis­gust at the me­di­a­fu­elled duel.

“We knew we had to move swiftly and de­ci­sively,” said ANC spokesper­son Maybe Nt­shanga. “That’s why we started a ru­mour that we had re­called the pair.”

Asked if the ANC had ac­tu­ally re­called the duo, Nt­shanga asked, “Who?”

“Oh wait, yes, I do re­call,” he said. “Ozin­sky and Ra­sool.”

But Nt­shanga said if he was go­ing to be asked to play mem­ory games he would rather talk about ANC leg­ends like Wal­ter Sisulu and Al­bert Luthuli.

“We re­call our great com­rades from yes­ter­year,” he said, “with warmth in our heart and a com­plete lack of un­der­stand­ing at their self­less­ness and sac­ri­fice.”

He said that while the old guard would al­ways be re­mem­bered favourably it was not fair to com­pare to­day’s cadres with those of the past.

“Back then we were fight­ing for lib­er­a­tion from a cruel and un­just sys­tem. Now we fight each other in the cor­ri­dors of power for a slice of wealth and in­flu­ence.

“It’s like com­par­ing guer­rilla war­fare with trench war­fare,” he said. “There are dif­fer­ent tac­tics and dif­fer­ent sol­diers, but nei­ther is more hon­ourable than the other.” The ANC has con­firmed that Youth League pres­i­dent Julius Malema needs po­lice “blue light” pro­tec­tion as he is in dan­ger of be­ing killed lit­er­ally, fig­u­ra­tively and in the ANCYL sense. A spokesman said Malema was al­most killed af­ter be­ing ex­posed to a mul­ti­ple-choice ques­tion in a freak IQ test ac­ci­dent.

Tax­pay­ers heard last week­end that they would be pay­ing R300 000 per month for VIP pro­tec­tion for Malema.

Ac­cord­ing to ANCYL spokesman Tantrums Maponya, Malema had been rushed to hospi­tal last week af­ter “racist re­ac­tionar­ies” left an IQ test open on a ta­ble in his of­fice.

“We can con­firm that Pres­i­dent Malema was ex­posed for 27 sec­onds to a mul­ti­ple-choice ques­tion in­volv­ing the rel­a­tive speeds of two trains, one trav­el­ling east and the other west.”

Asked why it had taken Malema 27 sec­onds, Maponya said that Malema was a “cau­tious reader” and had needed to sound out the words to com­pre­hend their “de­spi­ca­ble con­tent”.

But the at­tack by the lethal IQ test had been just the lat­est in a string of at­tempts on Malema’s life.

“Com­rade Julius is con­stantly be­ing tar­geted by as­sas­sins,” he ex­plained. “Two weeks ago while he was re­de­ploy­ing a bag of Jelly Tots into his mouth one of them es­caped and got lodged in a light plug socket.

“He at­tempted to re­trieve the Tot by ma­noeu­vring his tongue into the socket, much as one does with a girl who has stayed for break­fast and taxi money, and was only saved by the fore­sight of the ANCYL which had failed to pay the elec­tric­ity bill and had been dis­con­nected.”

He said Malema had also nar­rowly avoided as­sas­si­na­tion when he had tried to see how much petrol was in his Mercedes by shin­ing his Zippo into the petrol tank.

“For­tu­nately he had run the car dry dur­ing a high-speed jour­ney to the Aroma liquor store.”

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