Stupid masses are the best
GENERATIONS, Miley Cyrus, the emergence of tabloid newspapers and Nintendo Wii have all been cited as reasons for the continued plummet of intelligence levels amongst young South Africans after shocking matric results were announced on Thursday.
The 2009 results saw a drop in the matric pass rate from 62.5 percent to 60.7 percent, a figure which means South African school leavers are ranked marginally higher than pot plants and slightly below goldfish on intelligence charts.
Mpumalanga results were going to be released at a remedial briefing yesterday, but after negotiations were released with the rest of the country’s results.
A spokesman for the Mpumalanga education department, Failsafe Twala, said his department had wanted to avoid the cost of releasing all the results formally.
“We were hoping some eager learners with access to photocopy machines would leak the results in the same way they did with the exam papers,” he said.
“But it seems we already weeded out the only eager learners we had.”
The Young Communist League congratulated the matrics on their mediocre results, saying a 40 percent failure rate showed that the country’s youth were committed to pursuing a better life – either in government or as waiters at Chicken Licken.
Most of the country reacted with shock when the declining pass rate was revealed, with only the league responding positively – a reaction political experts said could be attributed to their delight at finding a new supply of semiliterate potential leaders to fulfil their succession plans.
“Studying is not for everyone,” said league spokesman Lobotomy Vilikazi. “Every revolution needs its masses, and masses are far more effective when uneducated and indoctrinated,” he said.
This article first appeared on the satirical website Hayibo.com