SA polygamists horrified by women who want multiple husbands
ULUNDI: South African supporters of polygamy have denied that it is simply an excuse to have sex with loads of different women, saying that it is an ancient and important African tradition. Asked if women could therefore have multiple husbands, they said that they would not debate “insane femi-Nazis out of their freaky nymphomaniac minds”.
The controversy around polygamy resurfaced when President Jacob Zuma married his third wife and hinted that he was looking for a fourth, sending a tidal wave of hot flushes through the ANC Women’s League and causing a spike in the sales of push-up bras.
Julius Malema was also reportedly writing a speech full of laboured misogynistic jokes. However, it is uncertain at this stage whether this was a Best Man speech or just a policy statement.
Most South Africans reportedly oppose polygamy, believing that it is a patriarchal society’s way of giving men an excuse to have sex with loads of different women.
However, this morning the Presidency’s cultural adviser, Casanova Dlamini, rejected the criticism and defended polygamy as a treasured ancient tradition standing proudly alongside other treasured ancient traditions like stoning women to death, female circumcision and burning old women who can read because they are probably witches.
He also rejected accusations that polygamy entrenched women in a weaker role in society and stripped them of their identity.
“This is nonsense,” he said. “African women are strong. They have to be to carry those buckets for five kilometres. And as for identity, why would anyone object to being Mrs Whatshername Zuma 3?”
Asked if President Zuma’s openness towards polygamy was likely to pave the way for women to have multiple husbands, Dlamini gagged before asking: “Are you on crack?
“This is a democracy, not some orgiastic free-for-all gang-bang fantasy cooked up by insane femi-Nazis out of their freaky nymphomaniac minds,” he said.
“Marriage is a sacred contract between a man and his fathers-in-law. If we mess with that it would be just a matter of months before women wanted to get educated and have jobs, and once that happens we’re days away from a cannibal apocalypse.”
He urged women instead to “focus on the important things in life: men”.
This article first appeared on the satirical website Hayibo.com