SA po­lyg­a­mists hor­ri­fied by women who want mul­ti­ple husbands

Weekend Argus (Saturday Edition) - - LIFE -

ULUNDI: South African sup­port­ers of polygamy have de­nied that it is sim­ply an ex­cuse to have sex with loads of dif­fer­ent women, say­ing that it is an an­cient and im­por­tant African tra­di­tion. Asked if women could there­fore have mul­ti­ple husbands, they said that they would not de­bate “in­sane femi-Nazis out of their freaky nympho­ma­niac minds”.

The con­tro­versy around polygamy resur­faced when Pres­i­dent Ja­cob Zuma mar­ried his third wife and hinted that he was looking for a fourth, send­ing a tidal wave of hot flushes through the ANC Women’s League and caus­ing a spike in the sales of push-up bras.

Julius Malema was also re­port­edly writ­ing a speech full of laboured misog­y­nis­tic jokes. How­ever, it is un­cer­tain at this stage whether this was a Best Man speech or just a pol­icy state­ment.

Most South Africans re­port­edly op­pose polygamy, be­liev­ing that it is a pa­tri­ar­chal so­ci­ety’s way of giv­ing men an ex­cuse to have sex with loads of dif­fer­ent women.

How­ever, this morn­ing the Pres­i­dency’s cul­tural ad­viser, Casanova Dlamini, re­jected the crit­i­cism and de­fended polygamy as a trea­sured an­cient tra­di­tion stand­ing proudly along­side other trea­sured an­cient tra­di­tions like ston­ing women to death, fe­male cir­cum­ci­sion and burn­ing old women who can read be­cause they are prob­a­bly witches.

He also re­jected ac­cu­sa­tions that polygamy en­trenched women in a weaker role in so­ci­ety and stripped them of their iden­tity.

“This is non­sense,” he said. “African women are strong. They have to be to carry those buck­ets for five kilo­me­tres. And as for iden­tity, why would any­one ob­ject to be­ing Mrs What­sher­name Zuma 3?”

Asked if Pres­i­dent Zuma’s open­ness to­wards polygamy was likely to pave the way for women to have mul­ti­ple husbands, Dlamini gagged be­fore ask­ing: “Are you on crack?

“This is a democ­racy, not some or­gias­tic free-for-all gang-bang fan­tasy cooked up by in­sane femi-Nazis out of their freaky nympho­ma­niac minds,” he said.

“Mar­riage is a sa­cred con­tract be­tween a man and his fathers-in-law. If we mess with that it would be just a mat­ter of months be­fore women wanted to get ed­u­cated and have jobs, and once that hap­pens we’re days away from a can­ni­bal apoca­lypse.”

He urged women in­stead to “fo­cus on the im­por­tant things in life: men”.

This ar­ti­cle first ap­peared on the satir­i­cal web­site Hay­ibo.com

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