Here’s what you don’t want in your stocking
Time for an update on the gift list from hell, and BIANCA CAPAZORIO’S got your number
WE’VE all had that moment when we’ve ripped the wrapping off a Christmas gift and the only response you can muster is “oh”. This year, Weekend Argus has compiled a list of the top 20 worst Christmas gifts, so you don’t turn those jolly “ho, ho, hos” into “ohs”. Anything Christmas-themed. The problem with anything Christmas-themed is that 24 hours later, it’s automatically useless. That includes clothes. No homemade Santa jumpers. Ever! Not even for your grandkids. They’d rather have an iPod. A foot spa. If you want the woman in your life to have a gift that will stay in its box, gather dust and take up space, then buy her a foot spa. She’ll use it a maximum of five times before she realises she would rather have had a voucher for a pedicure instead. A leaf blower. The male foot spa, really. He’ll run around the garden blowing at everything, including the dog, for the first few days, but by New Year the novelty will have worn off. Bubble bath, bath salts, etc. Unless you know someone who really likes this kind of stuff, stay away from it. It screams impersonal. Also, some people prefer to shower, or don’t have baths, rendering your gift useless. Silly gadgets. This includes USBpowered coffee cup warmers. If it makes you say “oh wow, I didn’t know there was a thing for that”, you probably shouldn’t buy it. Kitchen appliances. Unless the person is a real foodie, stay away from kitchen appliances. Also, just because your wife says she needs a new iron, it doesn’t mean she wants one for Christmas. Exercise equipment. Enough said. Pets. You know the drill. A pet is forever. Socks and hankies. Hankies are gross. Socks are available all year round. Vuvuzelas. You know why. Noisy toys for kids. Unless you’re not particularly fond of the parents, in which case may I suggest you have a look at number 10 on this list. Ornaments. In particular, shiny ceramics with corny messages. But just to be safe, stay away from these altogether. Completely inappropriate gifts. Think food baskets containing biltong for the vegetarian in your life, or chocolate-covered nuts for the guy with the nut allergy. Definitely not cool. Crude braai aprons. Yes, there are still companies that make those. Engagement rings. There is a lot of pressure on people to say yes to marriage proposals when they’re made in front of a large crowd of family members. And when said family members are all stuffing their faces with turkey, it kind of detracts from the love and happiness. Christmas gifts for your pet. It’s silly. Also included, Christmas elf outfits and reindeer horns for them to wear on the day. Electric toothbrushes. Nothing says “I love you” more than a gift that says “I wish you’d brush your teeth more”. Nose hair trimmers fall into this category too. Calendars. They’re really rather dull. Besides, you can get them from most pharmacies for free. There is a device called a potty fisher. Basically it allows you to sit on the loo and fish for plastic fish in a bowl at your feet. Do not buy this. Ever! Self-help books. Even if you think they desperately need the help. They should actually be called “self-bought books”.
NO-NO: If you’re thinking of giving a vuvuzela as a Yuletide present, don’t.