Did Santa think cre­atively?

Weekend Argus (Saturday Edition) - - PEOPLE - QUENTIN LETTS

LON­DON: Fa­ther Christ­mas has been and gone for another year. But what should he have left in the stock­ings of celebri­ties? Mi­ley Cyrus – stage fright. Rus­sell Brand – mir­rors. Can’t he see how bad he looks? Alas­tair Cook, Eng­land cricket cap­tain – more time in the nets. Ecuador’s am­bas­sador to Lon­don – clothes pegs. His longterm res­i­dent, Ju­lian As­sange, must be as high as a kip­per af­ter 18 months. Prince Ge­orge – teething gel. Hugh Grant – a part. Any part! Roy Hodg­son, Eng­land foot­ball man­ager – Por­tuguese phrase­book for Brazil. “Sick as a par­rot”? En­fermo como um pa­pa­gaio. Nigella Law­son – a nice big hug from a kind man. Kate Moss – enough self-knowl­edge to re­tire while she’s still beau­ti­ful. David Moyes, Manch­ester United man­ager – a mir­a­cle. Jeremy Clark­son – a new pair of jeans. Please. David Beck­ham – Sir Alex Fer- gu­son’s au­to­bi­og­ra­phy. We all know how much Becks loves the old brute! Bri­tain’s Queen El­iz­a­beth – plas­tic replica of the Royal Yacht Bri­tan­nia for her bath. Wills and Kate – a tan­dem com­plete with royal stan­dard on han­dle­bars. Justin Bieber – a belt to stop him show­ing off his pants. Lady Gaga – a one­sie to cover up her usu­ally semi-clad form. Richard Dawkins – noth­ing. It would be hyp­o­crit­i­cal of the arch-athe­ist to cel­e­brate Christ­mas, af­ter all. – Daily Mail

HIS IDOL: David Beck­ham loves Sir Alex.

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