Three small words
Relationships take concentration, organisation, effort and skill, writes
1. Why is saying “I love you” in a relationship such a big deal?
At the core of every human being, we all just want to be loved and appreciated. So, letting someone know you love them is one of the most precious gifts you can give. The three words can be for some the most challenging to say and yet also the most commonly appreciated to hear.
They’re significant because when love emerges it means you have come to appreciate the positive and negative, good and bad, happy and sad and ups and downs of a relationship.
2. What’s it mean to say I love you?
Many people hold back because of a fear of rejection. So, these words can really indicate true vulnerability and intimacy between you and your partner. Every time you tell them how much you care, you increase your self-worth. The phrase can also mean that you love and appreciate yourself as well.
3. Why do we place so much importance on these three words?
“I love you” is a phrase universally seen as important and significant to any relationship, romantic or otherwise. It’s a way to share your appreciation for someone and the truth of your heart. Love is our ultimate objective.
We may think we’re looking for something else, something material and fleeting, but even the pursuit of transient goals just leads us back to the truth of love. The purpose of all relationships is to dissolve the barriers that keep us from recognising the love that already is and expressing the love we ultimately are.
4. How else can we express how we feel if not by saying I love you?
We can express our love for our partner by helping them fulfil what is most important to them and what they value most. It shows that we listen to them and understand what they desire and what is most meaningful to them. Taking the time to find out what is important to them, linking your values to what they love and communicating their values, can bring you both fulfilment and appreciation for each other. Another way is by showing gratitude.
Say “thank you”. There is no limit to how many times you can thank a person and the effects can be profound.
Smile. A smile can be contagious if it comes from the heart and can tell a person more than what words can say.
Write down all the things you fear may occur if you say “I love you” and then take each item you listed and ask how it will benefit you if it occurs.
Write down 25 benefits to the person hearing you say you love them and 25 drawbacks if you do not tell them. When you perceive more benefits to them of hearing the truth of your heart you will feel inspired to tell them you love them.
5. Are there other ways of understanding how somebody feels without hearing them say “I love you” and how can we recognise them?
Love involves embracing who each of you is and what each of you brings to the relationship: two distinct perceptions and ways of thinking and feeling about the world. When you love people for who they are, they turn into who you love. Love comes when you realise that the purpose of a relationship is not only romance, joy, support and so-called happiness; it is also equally about learning, challenge, growth and personal evolution.
A fulfilling relationship requires concentration, organisation, effort, and skill. There’s serious work in keeping and developing any connection with others, whether it’s personal or professional. Any time you don’t put action and energy into your relationships, they undergo entropy and decay.
6. What behaviours will help us understand how we feel?
There are many but the top ones are: you feel you are fulfilling what is truly most important to your life while interacting and relating to your partner.
You feel inspired to share time and space with the partner you also feel love for. You embrace both sides of your partner’s character and see how both serve your ultimate objectives.
You feel your partner’s presence regardless of where and when they are in space and time. You feel grateful, loving, enthusiastic and inspired feelings when you think or talk about them
7. How can we respond to hearing somebody say I love you and what does it tell the other person about how we are feeling about what they have just said?
If someone is not ready to hear or say the words, they can react with fear and could detach themselves emotionally. If you are ready, you will experience joy and fulfilment, and react with gratitude and appreciation, and say the words back.
Saying ‘I love you’ can be difficult for some people who may fear rejection from the other person. Picture Supplied