What do I get my “al­most boyfriend” of a few months for his birth­day?

Women's Health (South Africa) - - ASK US ANYTHING -

AN­SWER What you don’t want to do here is come on too strong. For starters, you don’t know if this thing is go­ing to last, so you don’t re­ally want to drop a lot of cash on a Mr Maybe. Sec­ondly, courtship (yes, I used that an­ti­quated term) is a com­pli­cated game. If he is not completely ob­sessed with you al­ready (which in it­self might be a bit too much for you), giv­ing him some­thing ei­ther too valu­able or too sen­ti­men­tal could scare him off. The an­swer is hu­mour and shar­ing. What you want to do is give him some­thing that shows you’ve been lis­ten­ing to how – for ex­am­ple – he has always wanted to paraglide or sit in the front row of a stand-up com­edy gig or name his pe­nis. Now you can get him those themed jocks or push him off a moun­tain (or join him) or put your­self in a co­me­dian’s fir­ing line or what­ever his thing is. Just keep it light, keep it fun and keep it about him.

I JUST FOUND MY BFF’S FI­ANCÉ ON TINDER. TO TELL OR NOT?

Prob­a­bly the best rule to ap­ply in a sit­u­a­tion like this is to put your­self in her shoes. Not her white wed­ding shoes for that per­fect wed­ding she is so

look­ing for­ward to, but her “po­ten­tially be­ing cheated on by a dirt­bag fi­ancé” shoes. If it was you, would you want to know? Yes? (And I would be se­ri­ously sur­prised if it is a “no”.) Then tell her. That said, do it sub­tly. Don’t go all “ehrmagherd” look at my phone while hang­ing out in a crowd. Screen­grab

that sh*t, take her aside and give her the out she might need. “Er, so I thought you might want to see this. Not sure if you guys have some kind of open re­la­tion­ship go­ing or if he hap­pens to do some cod­ing for Tinder and is do­ing some beta test­ing, but look what came up on my screen the other day.”

WHAT’S A FAIR AMOUNT OF TIME TO GO DOWN ON A GUY? SOME­TIMES IT SEEMS TO TAKE MORE WILL POWER THAN A SWEATY CY­CLING CLASS!

Blow jobs, like di­a­monds, are for­ever, a time­less gift… No, but se­ri­ously, there is no pre­scribed du­ra­tion for fel­lat­ing your fella. If giv­ing head is as fun as taxes and as bor­ing as Home Af­fairs, then you have a few op­tions. OP­TION 1: Get bet­ter. If your goal with the blow job (to be known hence­forth as the BJ, mi­lady) is for him to cli­max, then how good you make it will de­ter­mine the pe­riod of time he’s in your mouth. So, what­ever it is that you know he likes – tip tickling, shaft suck­ing, deep throat, ball play, ass play, what­evs – you con­trol how quickly he cli­maxes. OP­TION 2: Soix­an­teneuf (aka 69). This way he gets, you get and you’re both hav­ing fun. Although, some peo­ple strug­gle to con­cen­trate on giv­ing and re­ceiv­ing at the same time. OP­TION 3: The main course. If fel­la­tio is merely a part of fore­play and you have re­ceived some head of your own (or are about to), things are hot, hard and flus­tered and both of you are ready to go, then move onto bang­ing. Chances are that by this stage he is so turned on, he doesn’t care what’s hap­pen­ing. Some­times fore­play is long and slow, some­times it’s short and fast. Read his body, just as he should be read­ing yours. As for the sweaty cy­cling class de­scrip­tion – get him to take a shower. There’s no ex­cuse for Ly­cra loins… Even in a drought.

DON’T GO OVER­BOARD.

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