Dam­age control

Women's Health (South Africa) - - LOVE + LI FE -

Want to see in next year with some mates left? Then you need to make changes now. The first step is work­ing out why you’re so in­clined to can­cel. “If you find yourself con­sis­tently bail­ing on the same per­son, ask yourself if the friend­ship has run its course or if there’s an un­re­solved is­sue,” says Bo­nior. If it’s the for­mer, then con­sider this per­mis­sion to ex­e­cute what she calls the “slow fade”. “Send sub­tle hints by not re­spond­ing to their mes­sages for a while or not go­ing into de­tail when you talk,” she ex­plains. This works if your for­mer buddy’s feel­ings are mu­tual, but if they don’t get the mes­sage or they question your be­hav­iour, be di­rect. “Say: ‘I know I haven’t been able to hang out as much lately. It’s be­cause I feel like my life is mov­ing in a dif­fer­ent di­rec­tion and I’m not able to de­vote time to our friend­ship.’ That way, they’ll know where they stand – and will likely stop sug­gest­ing you meet up.”

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