Some­one saw my BF on Tin­der. He swears he never acted on any­thing, he was just brows­ing. Nor­mal be­hav­iour or should I dump him?

AN­SWER No, that’s not nor­mal be­hav­iour. Those are the ac­tions of some­one look­ing for some­thing or some­one else. Brows­ing for what? Tin­der and other dat­ing sites/apps are great – if you’re not in a com­mit­ted re­la­tion­ship. Put it this way, how would he feel

Women's Health (South Africa) - - GUY NEXT DOOR -

MY PART­NER AL­WAYS TALKS ABOUT THE AT­TEN­TION HE GETS FROM OTHER WOMEN. IS HE TRY­ING TO MAKE ME JEAL­OUS?

AN­SWER Hmmm. Look, some cou­ples do get off on mak­ing each other jeal­ous. And within that cat­e­gory there are sub-cat­e­gories: cou­ples who take it se­ri­ously (want to evis­cer­ate their part­ner or any­one who is at­tracted to them), cou­ples who laugh at it (“sure babe, EVERY­ONE wants

you”) and cou­ples who use it to avoid com­pla­cency and cre­ate a bit of spice in their at­trac­tion to each other. Many peo­ple hate the idea of play­ing games like this. The stance be­ing, “Who cares if some­one else is at­tracted to you? We’re com­mit­ted to each other. Where are you go­ing with this?” Each in­di­vid­ual and each cou­ple brings their own lay­ered ma­trix of ex­pe­ri­ences, judge­ments and at­ti­tudes to a re­la­tion­ship. What works for an­other cou­ple (or your part­ner), may not work for you. You need to fig­ure out how you feel about it, maybe dis­cuss with him what he’s try­ing to achieve and de­cide (and com­mu­ni­cate) what your bound­aries are when it comes to this game.

I’M RE­ALLY KEEN TO GET EN­GAGED. DO I HAVE TO WAIT FOR MY GUY TO BEND HIS KNEE OR WILL IT TO­TALLY PUT HIM OFF IF I DO THE PROPOS­ING?

AN­SWER The rule book on pro­pos­als got rewrit­ten a long time ago. How­ever, some guys are tra­di­tional (some­times painfully pa­tri­ar­chal) in their at­ti­tudes to it and may not like the idea of their girl­friend propos­ing to them. You will have a pretty good idea of what kind of a guy he is. If he likes to have con­trol over things, it may go down like a lead bal­loon. If he’s easy-go­ing and you are the more gung-ho part­ner in the re­la­tion­ship, he may be to­tally chilled with you tak­ing charge. I don’t have the data on your sit­u­a­tion, but other things to con­sider are the fol­low­ing: why do you think he is tak­ing his time? And what ex­actly is “tak­ing his time”? Three months (you’re mov­ing too fast), 10 years (he’s mov­ing too slow). Could it be A) that he’s plan­ning on propos­ing in a very spe­cific way? Would you propos­ing steal his thun­der? Or could it be B) that he does not see you guys get­ting mar­ried? Some peo­ple are quite happy to have sort of in­terim re­la­tion­ships where deep down they know they will never marry their part­ner be­cause they are wait­ing for some­thing else. How about C) is he ac­tu­ally some­one who wants to get mar­ried at all? As in, have you dis­cussed it be­fore and did he seem keen on the idea? Mar­riage is not for every­one, so be sure it’s on his radar. Once you’ve con­sid­ered every­thing, you’ll know whether you should drop knee, drop kick or cool your jets for a bit.

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