YOU (South Africa) - - LIFESTYLE -

I’m in love with some­one but it’s clear he doesn’t feel the same way. I’ve tried to go on with my life and meet some­one else but when I do meet some­one I can’t stop my­self from com­par­ing the new per­son with the guy I’m in love with.

I met him six months ago and it was just in­stant – I im­me­di­ately fell in love with him. But un­for­tu­nately he’s just not into me, so I didn’t even have the op­por­tu­nity to go out with him. How can I get over this? How do I move on? Car­men, email

If you didn’t even have the op­por­tu­nity to go out with this man, how could you re­ally get to know him? How do you know he’s the per­son you think he is?

In re­al­ity you’ve fallen in love with a fan­tasy of him. It’s an il­lu­sion.

Be­ing in love and lov­ing some­one are com­pletely dif­fer­ent things. It’s pos­si­ble to be in love with some­one when you may not even know the per­son well, and you can eas­ily pre­tend that he has no man­ner­isms or per­son­al­ity traits that you don’t find at­trac­tive. When you love some­one, on the other hand, you know their weak points but are will­ing to ac­cept them re­gard­less.

No flesh-and-blood per­son will mea­sure up to your knight in shin­ing ar­mour on the white horse. But you need to see that knight for what he is – a fan­tasy. Let the fan­tasy go so you can have a real re­la­tion­ship with a real per­son.

Give your­self the op­por­tu­nity to get to know the guys you meet prop­erly be­fore you sim­ply dis­miss them. You might be sur­prised at the won­der­ful peo­ple you’ll get to know.

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