Ask Dr Louise

YOU (South Africa) - - CONTENTS -

I’m 32 and hav­ing an af­fair with a mar­ried man. We fight a lot be­cause we’re both ex­tremely jeal­ous and he of­ten ac­cuses me of hav­ing re­la­tion­ships with other guys but the fact is there’s no­body else in my life.

I’ve been yearn­ing for a child for sev­eral years and have started con­sult­ing with a fer­til­ity ex­pert as I want to have a baby us­ing donor sperm. My lover says he doesn’t care and I should have a baby if I want to but I’m con­cerned about what the im­pact will be on our re­la­tion­ship.

He and his wife have a child who’s 10 years old and they dote on him. He’s a good fa­ther – it’s be­cause of his child that he won’t leave his wife. He thinks we can still have a re­la­tion­ship even if I have a baby, but I’m not so sure. What do you think? Le­an­dre, email You’re mak­ing life com­pli­cated for your­self. You want a baby of your own and an­other woman’s hus­band to be part of your life. He also has a child of his own. None of this is sim­ple, which doesn’t bode well for a happy fu­ture.

If you have a baby, your lover might be­come at­tached to the child and he/she to him. This will com­pli­cate the mat­ter even more – he may then be jeal­ous not only of you pos­si­bly hav­ing some­one else in your life but also of some­one else spend­ing time with the baby. Also, your lover can never be a real fa­ther to your baby while he’s mar­ried to some­one else.

You need to take a se­ri­ous look at your life and try to make it less com­pli­cated be­fore you have a baby. The sen­si­ble thing would be to end the re­la­tion­ship, start see­ing other guys and give your­self time to meet some­one spe­cial.

You’re young enough – you have time to meet some­one with whom you can have a ful­fill­ing, lov­ing re­la­tion­ship as well as a baby. If in a year or two you still haven’t met some­one spe­cial, then con­sider hav­ing a baby via a sperm donor.

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