Ask Dr Louise
I’m 32 and having an affair with a married man. We fight a lot because we’re both extremely jealous and he often accuses me of having relationships with other guys but the fact is there’s nobody else in my life.
I’ve been yearning for a child for several years and have started consulting with a fertility expert as I want to have a baby using donor sperm. My lover says he doesn’t care and I should have a baby if I want to but I’m concerned about what the impact will be on our relationship.
He and his wife have a child who’s 10 years old and they dote on him. He’s a good father – it’s because of his child that he won’t leave his wife. He thinks we can still have a relationship even if I have a baby, but I’m not so sure. What do you think? Leandre, email You’re making life complicated for yourself. You want a baby of your own and another woman’s husband to be part of your life. He also has a child of his own. None of this is simple, which doesn’t bode well for a happy future.
If you have a baby, your lover might become attached to the child and he/she to him. This will complicate the matter even more – he may then be jealous not only of you possibly having someone else in your life but also of someone else spending time with the baby. Also, your lover can never be a real father to your baby while he’s married to someone else.
You need to take a serious look at your life and try to make it less complicated before you have a baby. The sensible thing would be to end the relationship, start seeing other guys and give yourself time to meet someone special.
You’re young enough – you have time to meet someone with whom you can have a fulfilling, loving relationship as well as a baby. If in a year or two you still haven’t met someone special, then consider having a baby via a sperm donor.