Anger has no space in one’s body

Sunday Observer - - NEWS -

Clin­i­cal psy­chol­o­gist Ndo Md­lalose be­lieves the in­crease in spates of mur­der come about due to peo­ple not learn­ing to have outlets for their anger.

“Yes, in times like this, one is of­ten tempted to dis­miss such mur­ders as these per­pe­trated for rit­ual pur­poses and I will not dis­pute that they are a pos­si­bil­ity,” Md­lalose said. She said there were how­ever height­ened in­ci­dences of crimes of pas­sion which were borne out of sit­u­a­tions which could have been avoided had the mur­ders been af­forded a chance at coun­selling. She re­lented that she could not blame for­mer col­leagues and baby momma for not be­liev­ing that Muzi Khu­malo could have been ca­pa­ble of killing his wife, “Rapists and killers look or­di­nary be­cause they are so good at hid­ing their real feel­ings.”

She said the for­mer lover could have been able to tol­er­ate and calm his demons when­ever he got an­gry or learnt to avoid do­ing things that could trig­ger vi­o­lent episodes. She was quick to state that she did not blame the de­ceased for Khu­malo’s ac­tions as anger could have been build­ing up for years.

Abuse

“It is no shock that he was a good guy, he could have been. Prob­a­bly, she was able to un­der­stand him,” Md­lalose said of the for­mer lover.

She em­pha­sised that this goes to show that men can abuse a per­son emo­tion­ally with­out them know­ing. She said women should be wary of emo­tional abuse be­cause it gets put aside and does not get the la­bel as does phys­i­cal.

“He might not hit you, but do things such as deny­ing you rights. Some­thing sim­ple like not want­ing you to com­mu­ni­cate with cer­tain peo­ple or tak­ing away your cel­lu­lar phone, that is abuse,” she said adding that abusers are in gen­eral very clever and cun­ning. La­belling men who are able to abuse oth­ers with­out the vic­tims know­ing, she called them sadist or psy­chopaths, “They ap­pear nor­mal to an ex­tent that a per­son could say they are nor­mal.”

“You might find that the vic­tim did not do any­thing but he was con­fronting his anger is­sues at that time hence I ad­vise that when there is some­thing both­er­ing you, deal with it at that time be­cause it might come back and come out at an­other time,” she said adding that anger had no space in one’s body, it has to come out.

Clin­i­cal psy­chol­o­gist Ndo Md­lalose.

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