Mid­west lady has some ques­tions about money eti­quette at wed­dings

The China Post - - TV & COMICS -

DEAR AN­NIE: My son lives in Cal­i­for­nia and is go­ing to marry a lo­cal girl in the fall. Our en­tire fam­ily lives in the Mid­west. My hus­band and I, along with our daugh­ter’s fam­ily, will at­tend. But I know it is far too ex­pen­sive for any of my rel­a­tives to be there.

Should they re­ceive in­vi­ta­tions even though we know they can’t come? I don’t want it to seem like a gift grab. Do I have a “meet the bride and groom” party in our home­town af­ter the wed­ding? What is the proper pro­ce­dure?

I have an­other ques­tion, too. My hus­band and I are re­tired, but are giv­ing our son and fu­ture daugh­ter-in­law a large sum of money to help with wed­ding costs. As the par­ents of the groom, we will pay for the re­hearsal din­ner, but what about the rest? What are our re­spon­si­bil­i­ties when it comes to out- of- state guests? — Don’t Want To Get An­other


Dear Don’t Want: If th­ese are close rel­a­tives, they prob­a­bly would be hurt or of­fended to be ex­cluded. Please in­vite them. They may wish to send a gift whether they at­tend or not. But you can skip more dis­tant ac­quain­tances, such as busi­ness as­so­ciates or peo­ple you rarely con­tact. And should you de­cide to have an in­for­mal re­cep­tion of your own af­ter the wed­ding, that would be lovely and much ap­pre­ci­ated.

As for ex­penses, your son should be cov­er­ing most of them with­out your as­sis­tance. Th­ese days, most cou­ples split the costs, per­haps with help from their par­ents. Tra­di­tion­ally, the groom or his par­ents would be re­spon­si­ble for his at­ten­dants’ ac­com­mo­da­tions, along with the of­fi­ciant’s fee and travel costs. Other outof-town guests, how­ever, are on their own. They should be given in­for­ma­tion about avail­able ho­tels in the area, and you can sup­ply a gift bas­ket to each room so the guests have some­thing to nib­ble on should they ar­rive too late to find an open restau­rant. ( Some hosts pro­vide a hos­pi­tal­ity suite or in­clude all out- of- town­ers at the re­hearsal din­ner, but this is op­tional and cer­tainly not a re­quire­ment.) Our con­grat­u­la­tions on your up­com­ing spe­cial event.

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