Woman’s hus­band and his daugh­ter have very pe­cu­liar re­la­tion­ship

The China Post - - TV & COMICS -

DEAR AN­NIE: I have been mar­ried to “Jerry” for 10 years. We each have adult daugh­ters from pre­vi­ous re­la­tion­ships.

Jerry has a pe­cu­liar re­la­tion­ship with his daugh­ter, “Serena.” She was taken from him by her mother at a very early age, and he did not see her again un­til she was 13. At age 15, she got into a fight with her mother and came to live with Jerry. He and his room­mate al­lowed the girl to drink liquor and use their car. At some point, she was found in Jerry’s bed hav­ing sex with a strange man. She also ran up US$ 1,000 in tele­phone charges call­ing her boyfriend back home.

When Serena went back to Mom, I moved in with Jerry. But Serena would call at all hours of the night. When she had an­other fight with Mom, Jerry in­vited her back with­out ask­ing me. I put a lock on the phone, and Serena be­came an­gry and re­turned to Mom. Af­ter that, her re­la­tion­ship with Jerry was on-and-off for 10 years.

Jerry now vis­its Serena and her young son twice a year for six weeks at a time, which drives me nuts. I find her to be ma­nip­u­la­tive and toxic and don’t care to deal with her. Last month, Jerry in­sisted I talk to her when she phoned at 3 a.m., and all she did was scream at me for 30 min­utes. Jerry backed her up.

I told Jerry that Serena needs to apol­o­gize. I am up­set by the way Jerry be­haves to­ward her. When she is ill, he waits on her hand and foot, but when I was in a mo­tor­cy­cle crash, he ex­pected me to get up and cook din­ner. Jerry screams at me, yet he is all sweet­ness when speak­ing to Serena. He does noth­ing around the house other than take out the garbage, while I work full time, and all he does is crit­i­cize me. He wants me to em­brace Serena the way he does, but I can­not do it. I’m de­pressed and mis­er­able. What should I do?

— Sec­ond Place

Dear Sec­ond: Jerry has put Serena first, which means he will al­ways take her side in any ar­gu­ment with you, and she knows it. Don’t ex­pect any apolo­gies. The ques­tion is what to do about your mar­riage, which sounds un­happy and stress­ful. Get some coun­sel­ing, with or with­out Jerry, and fig­ure out whether you are bet­ter off with or with­out him.

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