Mom misses her son and wants to connect af­ter throw­ing him out

The China Post - - TV & COMICS -

DEAR AN­NIE: I have a 30- year- old son. “Brad” was the per­fect child, lov­ing and af­fec­tion­ate, un­til the age of 16. That’s when I di­vorced my drug- ad­dicted hus­band. I shel­tered the chil­dren as much as I could from what their fa­ther was do­ing.

When I trans­ferred Brad to a public school, he got in­volved in drugs, quit school, be­came ver­bally abu­sive, did a stint in jail and more. I re­mar­ried a won­der­ful man who showed Brad noth­ing but love. Any dis­ci­plin­ing was done by me.

When I found out Brad was do­ing drugs at age 21, I kicked him out of the house. He abused steroids and who knows what else. He blames me for the way he is be­cause I kicked him out. He claims no mother would do that. I told him it’s called “tough love” and that I refuse to watch him de­stroy him­self.

I have not spo­ken to Brad in five months. Christ­mas and my birth­day have come and gone with no ac­knowl­edg­ment. My heart is just so bro­ken. Should I reach out to him or let him fig­ure out life on his own? Do I wish him a happy birth­day next month? I don’t know what to do any­more.

— Bro­ken­hearted Mom

Dear Bro­ken­hearted: Tough love can also be tough on the par­ents. You did noth­ing wrong by ex­pect­ing your adult son to move out of the house. Even kids who are not abus­ing drugs ought to leave the nest by then. Brad finds it eas­ier to blame you for what is wrong with his life than to ac­cept re­spon­si­bil­ity for his own ac­tions. Un­til he fig­ures it out, all you can do is wait and hope. But you can send him a birth­day card and also find sup­port from oth­ers in your sit­u­a­tion through Be­cause I Love You at bily. org. Good luck.

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