A mar­riage takes ef­fort on both sides if peo­ple want to avoid di­vorce

The China Post - - TV & COMICS -

DEAR AN­NIE: Why is it that I know six women who are di­vorc­ing their hus­bands? Why are there so many mid­dleaged men newly di­vorced? Why does it take a di­vorce to wake guys up?

I’m 47 and have been mar­ried to my hus­band for al­most 25 years. He is a good dad. He can fix al­most any­thing. But the older he gets the more he is happy to sit on the couch and let life go by while I take care of ev­ery­thing. I’m tired of it. Ro­mance is zero. Women like some ro­mance be­fore sex. When I ex­ag­ger­ate my feel­ings about this, he will ques­tion me, but won’t re­cip­ro­cate.

It’s so hard to carry the bur­den of this re­la­tion­ship alone. What does this teach our chil­dren about the role of a hus­band? — Feel­ing Un­ap­pre­ci­ated and


Dear Feel­ing: We’re not sure what you mean by “ex­ag­ger­ate your feel­ings.” Do you ac­tu­ally point- blank tell him what you want? If not, he doesn’t seem likely to catch on, no mat­ter how bla­tant the hint. Here’s a dif­fer­ent ques­tion: Why do so many women wait un­til they are fed up, ex­hausted and ready to di­vorce rather than at­tempt coun­sel­ing so they can com­mu­ni­cate more clearly with their hus­bands? We ab­so­lutely agree that some men are ob­tuse, not to men­tion lazy about main­tain­ing their re­la­tion­ships. But too many women hint around and ex­pect guys to un­der­stand what they need, and then grow more and more frus­trated and an­gry.

Of course, you shouldn’t have to do all the heavy lift­ing in your mar­riage. But un­til you say those words to your hus­band and tell him ex­actly what you need to keep the mar­riage strong, he won’t know, and he cer­tainly won’t do any­thing about it. And you’ll need to re­peat it more than once. But it seems a shame to throw away 25 years of what we as­sume is oth­er­wise a de­cent mar­riage be­fore see­ing what can be fixed.

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