A marriage takes effort on both sides if people want to avoid divorce
DEAR ANNIE: Why is it that I know six women who are divorcing their husbands? Why are there so many middleaged men newly divorced? Why does it take a divorce to wake guys up?
I’m 47 and have been married to my husband for almost 25 years. He is a good dad. He can fix almost anything. But the older he gets the more he is happy to sit on the couch and let life go by while I take care of everything. I’m tired of it. Romance is zero. Women like some romance before sex. When I exaggerate my feelings about this, he will question me, but won’t reciprocate.
It’s so hard to carry the burden of this relationship alone. What does this teach our children about the role of a husband? — Feeling Unappreciated and
Dear Feeling: We’re not sure what you mean by “exaggerate your feelings.” Do you actually point- blank tell him what you want? If not, he doesn’t seem likely to catch on, no matter how blatant the hint. Here’s a different question: Why do so many women wait until they are fed up, exhausted and ready to divorce rather than attempt counseling so they can communicate more clearly with their husbands? We absolutely agree that some men are obtuse, not to mention lazy about maintaining their relationships. But too many women hint around and expect guys to understand what they need, and then grow more and more frustrated and angry.
Of course, you shouldn’t have to do all the heavy lifting in your marriage. But until you say those words to your husband and tell him exactly what you need to keep the marriage strong, he won’t know, and he certainly won’t do anything about it. And you’ll need to repeat it more than once. But it seems a shame to throw away 25 years of what we assume is otherwise a decent marriage before seeing what can be fixed.