Is it OK to ask guests to a wedding to chip in for the ‘big day’?
DEAR ANNIE: My brother is 42 and getting married for the first time. His bride-tobe has been married before.
My mom and I would like to give her a bridal shower, but it seems they have most of what they need. However, they don’t own their own home. How do we send out invites and ask guests to give money toward either the cost of the wedding or larger purchases like new furniture or a down payment on a home without being rude? Is there a proper way, or is it not OK to ask for this?
— Stumped in Wisconsin
Dear Stumped: It is not OK to expect guests to pay for the wedding. The bridal couple should have the wedding they can afford. Showers, however, are about gifts, so there is some leeway when it comes to registries. There are now registries for honeymoons, vacations and, yes, houses, including furniture and appliances. If the couple has such registries, the websites can be listed on a separate sheet of paper with the shower invitation. You also can pass along such preferences by word of mouth.
But part of a shower is unwrapping gifts so everyone can “oooh” and “aaah.” It might be wise for the bride to register at more traditional places where unwanted gifts can be returned or exchanged for something more to her liking (after she writes her thank-you notes, of course).