Is it OK to ask guests to a wed­ding to chip in for the ‘big day’?

The China Post - - TV & COMICS -

DEAR AN­NIE: My brother is 42 and get­ting mar­ried for the first time. His bride-tobe has been mar­ried be­fore.

My mom and I would like to give her a bridal shower, but it seems they have most of what they need. How­ever, they don’t own their own home. How do we send out in­vites and ask guests to give money to­ward ei­ther the cost of the wed­ding or larger pur­chases like new fur­ni­ture or a down pay­ment on a home with­out be­ing rude? Is there a proper way, or is it not OK to ask for this?

— Stumped in Wis­con­sin

Dear Stumped: It is not OK to ex­pect guests to pay for the wed­ding. The bridal cou­ple should have the wed­ding they can af­ford. Showers, how­ever, are about gifts, so there is some lee­way when it comes to reg­istries. There are now reg­istries for hon­ey­moons, va­ca­tions and, yes, houses, in­clud­ing fur­ni­ture and ap­pli­ances. If the cou­ple has such reg­istries, the web­sites can be listed on a sep­a­rate sheet of pa­per with the shower in­vi­ta­tion. You also can pass along such pref­er­ences by word of mouth.

But part of a shower is un­wrap­ping gifts so ev­ery­one can “oooh” and “aaah.” It might be wise for the bride to reg­is­ter at more tra­di­tional places where un­wanted gifts can be re­turned or ex­changed for some­thing more to her lik­ing (af­ter she writes her thank-you notes, of course).

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