Woman doesn’t like how she feels about new-found ro­mance

The China Post - - TV & COMICS -

DEAR AN­NIE: My fa­therin-law died four years ago. He had strug­gled with some health is­sues for a while and then went into the hos­pi­tal for what was sup­posed to be a sim­ple pro­ce­dure and never made it out. It broke my heart. And it was the first time I ever saw my hus­band cry. Both of his par­ents were like the par­ents I wish I’d had. I adored his fa­ther.

Here’s the prob­lem. A few months ago, my moth­erin-law started dat­ing a nice guy from her church. He’s a wid­ower, and she and my fa­ther-in-law were friends with him and his late wife. Last night, my mother-in-law ar­rived home from her date and an­nounced that they were en­gaged! We were floored. My hus­band con­grat­u­lated her, and he seems gen­uinely happy for both of them.

But not me. I feel up­set. I feel like my own mother is re­mar­ry­ing af­ter my fa­ther died, and I don’t like it. I am happy that my mother-in-law has found love again when we are lucky to even find it once, but I feel sad and hurt at the same time. I know this is to­tally crazy, so how do I move past th­ese feel­ings?

— Daugh­ter-in-Law

Dear Daugh­ter- in- Law: Your let­ter is ac­tu­ally very sweet. You love your in-laws, and you rec­og­nize that your re­ac­tion is un­war­ranted and want to change it. Good for you. First, we are glad that no one is tak­ing ad­van­tage of Mom. She has been friends with this man for years. Sec­ond, like many chil­dren, you fear a new mar­riage will di­min­ish Dad’s po­si­tion in the fam­ily. But rest as­sured, this won’t hap­pen. A new mar­riage doesn’t erase Dad or the won­der­ful mem­o­ries all of you have. This is an en­tirely dif­fer­ent re­la­tion­ship. But it al­lows Mom to have a com­pan­ion and be less lonely. In years to come, you will be grate­ful. Try to fake be­ing happy for her un­til you dis­cover that you truly are.

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