Woman is stressed and her lazy hubby is not help­ing at all

The China Post - - TV & COMICS -

DEAR AN­NIE: I have been with my hus­band for seven years. When we first mar­ried, he had a great job and was at­ten­tive and sup­port­ive. He adopted my son from my pre­vi­ous mar­riage, and I got preg­nant shortly af­ter our wed­ding. Life was won­der­ful, but it ended a month af­ter our daugh­ter was born. That was the first of sev­eral times that my hus­band was laid off. In or­der to keep our health in­sur­ance, I was forced to re­turn to work full time at a high-pres­sure job with long hours.

Two years ago, I told my hus­band that I could not take the stress any longer, so he en­rolled in a six-week train­ing pro­gram in an­other field. Un­for­tu­nately, the field he se­lected pays min­i­mum wage with no chance of earn­ing more. He now makes less than he did col­lect­ing un­em­ploy­ment.

I am cur­rently self­em­ployed, with a highly suc­cess­ful busi­ness. I still work around the clock, pick my kids up from school and then work into the evenings. I have zero qual­ity time with my kids. And I do this with no ap­pre­ci­a­tion from my hus­band. He doesn’t ac­knowl­edge me on hol­i­days and skips our an­niver­sary and my birth­day. He cites his lack of in­come for not get­ting me so much as a card or mak­ing din­ner.

I have de­vel­oped a stress­re­lated ill­ness, which is likely to get worse. I have pleaded with my hus­band to take a sec­ond job or find some­thing that pays bet­ter. He prom­ises to look, but never does. In­stead, he com­plains to his mother and brother that I’m too de­mand­ing, and as a re­sult, they ha­rass my son and me. They have never ac­cepted him as part of their fam­ily.

I hate my life. I’ve told my hus­band that I’m con­tem­plat­ing tak­ing the kids and mov­ing back near my fam­ily, but he says I’m “run­ning away” and not giv­ing him a chance. He says a sec­ond di­vorce would be detri­men­tal to my son. How can I sur­vive our mar­riage? This man is slowly killing me.

— 24-Hour Woman

Dear Woman: There are many mar­riages in which the wife is the main bread­win­ner and the hus­band takes care of the home and chil­dren. But it must be a mu­tual de­ci­sion and ac­cepted by both spouses.

You are stressed to the break­ing point. Your hus­band re­fuses to do any­thing to al­le­vi­ate your stress, and worse, he al­lows (even en­cour­ages) his fam­ily to den­i­grate you and your child, which makes him an un­sup­port­ive part­ner, emo­tion­ally and fi­nan­cially. Un­less you change this dy­namic, he is per­fectly con­tent to let it con­tinue.

In many cases, a di­vorce is bet­ter for the kids than living in a mis­er­able, un­happy en­vi­ron­ment with par­ents who ar­gue and don’t re­spect each other. Get coun­sel­ing, with or with­out him, and fig­ure out what is best for your fam­ily.

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