Dad’s now gone and Mom is sad, but why didn’t she give more?

The China Post - - TV & COMICS -

DEAR AN­NIE: My dad died two years ago. He was 73. Mom misses him so much. When we visit, she talks about all the nice things Dad used to do. This makes me sick.

When Dad was alive, he never missed a birth­day, Christ­mas, Valen­tine’s Day or any other im­por­tant day. He would al­ways buy candy and flow­ers and give a card to my mom. I never once saw Mom thank him, and she never bought him a thing, not even a card. I once asked Dad whether he minded not get­ting a gift from Mom, and he said he had four won­der­ful gifts al­ready: his wife and three chil­dren. He of­ten talked about how he met Mom in school and loved her from Day One.

When Dad was alive, I asked Mom why she never got him gifts or cards. She told me, “He can buy any­thing he wants. Why should I buy him any­thing?” When he called her his high school sweet­heart, she would say, “Don’t re­mind me.” Now she raves about him. I don’t un­der­stand.

— Miss­ing Dad

Dear Miss­ing: Your par­ents de­vel­oped a cer­tain dy­namic over the years: She played hard to get, and he show­ered her with af­fec­tion and at­ten­tion. This prob­a­bly started in high school. It doesn’t mean they didn’t love each other or that your mother doesn’t miss him ter­ri­bly. Ev­ery cou­ple has their own pat­tern of be­hav­ior, and when it works, both are con­tent, re­gard­less of how it may ap­pear to oth­ers. We know you think your fa­ther de­served bet­ter, but your mother is the one he wanted. And won.

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