New hus­band means new trou­bles for hurt and con­fused widow

The China Post - - TV & COMICS -

DEAR AN­NIE: Two years ago, I mar­ried “Will.” We were both wid­owed. I had a good job, a nice home and a car. Will was re­tired and wanted some­one to travel with, so I chose to re­tire in or­der to spend time with him. He didn’t like my home, so I sold it. He al­ready had three cars and said we didn’t need a fourth, and be­cause he pre­ferred his cars to mine ( even though mine was newer and paid for), I sold that, too. All I asked was that he pro­vide life­time rights to his home if some­thing were to hap­pen to him. He agreed and had a will made to re­flect that.

Here’s the prob­lem: Two months af­ter the mar­riage, we had a dis­agree­ment, and he threat­ened to change the will. He told me to leave be­cause it was his house. He has since made the same threat nu­mer­ous times. I am not al­lowed to make any changes to the house with­out his ap­proval, which he rarely gives. I found out he was cheat­ing on me, and when I con­fronted him, he hid the car keys and told me to get out. I called my sis­ter to pick me up. Of course, as al­ways, he was sorry and begged me to stay.

I have asked Will to sell this house so we could buy some­thing that be­longs to both of us. I told him it would make me feel more se­cure. He ab­so­lutely re­fused. I asked that he add my name to the deed, and he re­fused that, too. Now he yells at me that I only mar­ried him for his money. An­nie, there isn’t enough money in the world to put up with this.

Will says he loves me, but I get the im­pres­sion he loves his house and money more. I told him if he doesn’t make some changes, I am leav­ing. All I want is some se­cu­rity. Am I wrong?

— Stay or Go?

Dear Stay or Go: Please go. You will never feel se­cure with Will. He is not trust­wor­thy and con­sid­ers the mar­riage a power strug­gle that he has to win. He will threaten to dis­in­herit you ev­ery time you have a dis­agree­ment. He will say he is sorry be­cause he doesn’t want to lose con­trol over you. This is a recipe for years of mis­ery.

See a lawyer and find out what you need to do to pro­tect your­self fi­nan­cially. Then pack your bags. If your sis­ter will take you, we rec­om­mend let­ting her help un­til you get back on your feet. And please don’t ever put your­self in such a vul­ner­a­ble po­si­tion again.

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