New husband means new troubles for hurt and confused widow
DEAR ANNIE: Two years ago, I married “Will.” We were both widowed. I had a good job, a nice home and a car. Will was retired and wanted someone to travel with, so I chose to retire in order to spend time with him. He didn’t like my home, so I sold it. He already had three cars and said we didn’t need a fourth, and because he preferred his cars to mine ( even though mine was newer and paid for), I sold that, too. All I asked was that he provide lifetime rights to his home if something were to happen to him. He agreed and had a will made to reflect that.
Here’s the problem: Two months after the marriage, we had a disagreement, and he threatened to change the will. He told me to leave because it was his house. He has since made the same threat numerous times. I am not allowed to make any changes to the house without his approval, which he rarely gives. I found out he was cheating on me, and when I confronted him, he hid the car keys and told me to get out. I called my sister to pick me up. Of course, as always, he was sorry and begged me to stay.
I have asked Will to sell this house so we could buy something that belongs to both of us. I told him it would make me feel more secure. He absolutely refused. I asked that he add my name to the deed, and he refused that, too. Now he yells at me that I only married him for his money. Annie, there isn’t enough money in the world to put up with this.
Will says he loves me, but I get the impression he loves his house and money more. I told him if he doesn’t make some changes, I am leaving. All I want is some security. Am I wrong?
— Stay or Go?
Dear Stay or Go: Please go. You will never feel secure with Will. He is not trustworthy and considers the marriage a power struggle that he has to win. He will threaten to disinherit you every time you have a disagreement. He will say he is sorry because he doesn’t want to lose control over you. This is a recipe for years of misery.
See a lawyer and find out what you need to do to protect yourself financially. Then pack your bags. If your sister will take you, we recommend letting her help until you get back on your feet. And please don’t ever put yourself in such a vulnerable position again.