Friend al­ways picks what movie to see, but isn’t that un­fair?

The China Post - - TV & COMICS -

DEAR AN­NIE: For the past 20 years, a good fe­male friend of mine and I have got­ten to­gether ev­ery few weeks for walks, lunch and movies.

The prob­lem is, when­ever we go to the movies, she al­ways picks. I’m a pretty easy­go­ing per­son and will see what­ever she wants be­cause even if the movie doesn’t sound great, I’m will­ing to give it a try. But when­ever I say I would re­ally love to see such-and­such a movie, she will never go. She gives ex­cuses, like read­ing a re­view she didn’t like. In all the years we’ve seen films to­gether, she has never once agreed to see one of my choices.

Don’t all re­la­tion­ships re­quire com­pro­mise? I feel like I do all the giv­ing and she does all the tak­ing. When I brought it up to her, she replied, “Well, ev­ery­one doesn’t like ev­ery movie.”

I know this prob­lem isn’t earth­shat­ter­ing, but it is af­fect­ing me enough to ques­tion whether she is truly a friend. When she does this type of thing, it seems as though she has to con­trol ev­ery­thing we do, which is not my idea of friend­ship. Any sug­ges­tions?

— Had Enough of This

Dear Had: Does she do this only with movies? If so, she may sim­ply not be ad­ven­tur­ous enough to see any­thing she isn’t cer­tain she will like, or she may be un­com­fort­able with cer­tain types of films, such as hor­ror movies or doc­u­men­taries and too em­bar­rassed to say so. But if she tries to dom­i­nate ev­ery de­ci­sion (type of res­tau­rant, where you go walk­ing, etc.), then yes, she is the con­trol­ling type.

You say she is a good friend. We as­sume she is pleas­ant com­pany and there are other things you like about her. You have mul­ti­ple ways of deal­ing with this: Put up with her choices and see the films that in­ter­est you with other like­minded peo­ple; take movies off the list of ac­tiv­i­ties to do to­gether; tell her the next movie is your pick or you aren’t in­ter­ested; or talk to her, let­ting her know her in­tran­si­gence on the is­sue is build­ing re­sent­ment and dam­ag­ing the friend­ship.

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