Woman not sure if friend’s an­niver­sary plans are re­spect­ful

The China Post - - TV & COMICS -

DEAR AN­NIE: Is it un­ortho­dox to have a one-year an­niver­sary party? A friend of mine was mar­ried last sum­mer. By Novem­ber, she had cre­ated a save-the-date on Face­book for a one-year an­niver­sary party. “Leona” in­vited ev­ery­one who had been on the wed­ding list, whether they at­tended or not. So far, only a hand­ful have re­sponded. Leona has since sent out printed in­vi­ta­tions with RSVP cards. The party has been de­scribed as a ca­sual, potluck bar­be­cue.

To me, the whole af­fair is a bit un­seemly. I un­der­stand want­ing to have a party, but the con­text of it be­ing an an­niver­sary party to com­mem­o­rate a cou­ple that has yet to get out of the hon­ey­moon phase seems self-cen­tered. There is lit­tle ex­cite­ment about the event, and af­ter a few con­ver­sa­tions with friends, I get the sense that other peo­ple feel the same way.

I’m not sure how to re­spond, and am a bit wor­ried about how Leona will feel if few peo­ple show up to her gala.

— Con­fused

Dear Con­fused: Hav­ing an an­niver­sary party, no mat­ter which an­niver­sary, is per­fectly fine as long as guests are not ex­pected to pay for it and bring ex­pen­sive presents. Leona’s mis­take was giv­ing the im­pres­sion that it is a sec­ond wed­ding cel­e­bra­tion, but we don’t be­lieve that was her in­tent. It sounds as though she had a great time at her own wed­ding and thinks her an­niver­sary is a good ex­cuse to recre­ate the fun. While we agree that the guest list is larger than pro­pri­ety en­dorses, please look at this as a party for friends, and base your re­ac­tion solely on that. It will help.

DEAR AN­NIE: Last year, our 21-year-old son took a break from col­lege and lived at home. I am amazed by the num­ber of peo­ple who thought this was un­ac­cept­able and said they would never al­low a child to take a year off of col­lege.

Here’s my per­spec­tive: High school grad­u­a­tion is like tak­ing your 18-yearold to a large trans­porta­tion hub where they have to pick a train that will take them to their next des­ti­na­tion. Say that your young adult picks an ex­press train. About half­way through the jour­ney, he re­al­izes he is on the wrong train, but there are no stops. He imag­ines that his choices are to stay on the train or jump off while it’s go­ing full speed. You as­sure him that there is an emer­gency brake, but ev­ery­one says the brake can’t be used, or if he does, he will have to wait a long time for a train headed in a dif­fer­ent di­rec­tion, and he’ll be left be­hind.

We en­cour­aged our son to pull the emer­gency brake and a year later, we find we have a happy, healthy young adult headed on the right train. I know that had our son stayed on that ex­press train, he’d have ended up dead on the side of the track. We are happy that we pro­vided him with a safety net. Now he has a bright fu­ture.

— Mom

Dear Mom: No child should be left with­out emo­tional backup, and you were smart not to lis­ten to the crit­ics. We sup­port the idea of a gap year be­fore stu­dents start col­lege where they may be liv­ing away from home for the first time. Kids can use the year to work, travel or vol­un­teer, but it al­lows them to ma­ture and be more re­spon­si­ble for them­selves. An­nie’s Mail­box is writ­ten by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, long­time ed­i­tors of the Ann Lan­ders col­umn. Please email your ques­tions to an­nies­mail­box@cre­ators. com, or write to: An­nie’s Mail­box, c/o Cre­ators Syn­di­cate, 737 3rd Street, Her­mosa Beach, CA, USA.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Taiwan

© PressReader. All rights reserved.