Hus­band act­ing like any­thing is of more in­ter­est than fam­ily

The China Post - - TV & COMICS -

DEAR AN­NIE: My hus­band and I have been mar­ried for nine years. When we were dat­ing, we had the best con­ver­sa­tions. He would re­mem­ber events that hap­pened in my life and would fol­low up with ques­tions later. He talked about things go­ing on in his life and would in­clude me in the con­ver­sa­tion, ask­ing my opin­ion.

Af­ter we mar­ried, he has ei­ther stopped lis­ten­ing to what I say or doesn’t re­ally care any­more. He con­stantly asks me the same ques­tions over and over, and can’t seem to re­mem­ber the an­swers I give him. Yet he can quote you chap­ter and verse about any celebrity — where they went to school, who they mar­ried, who their chil­dren are — as though they are his best friends.

I’ve asked him how he can re­mem­ber all of that trivia, but can’t re­mem­ber things I tell him that touch our lives. He said that he found celebri­ties in­ter­est­ing. I guess that means our lives are not im­por­tant enough to mat­ter.

I don’t know what to make of this and some­times feel as though I’ve been duped. Where is the guy I dated? How do I not take this per­son­ally?

— What Hap­pened?

Dear What: You are not alone. This type of spousedeaf­ness hap­pens in many mar­riages. While you were dat­ing, your hus­band paid more at­ten­tion to your con­ver­sa­tion partly be­cause he was still try­ing to woo you, and partly be­cause your life was sep­a­rate from his. You were his “celebrity.” Now the con­ver­sa­tions likely re­volve around more mun­dane mat­ters.

Please don’t take this too per­son­ally. It’s ir­ri­tat­ing, but com­mon, and isn’t worth get­ting up­set over. Dis­cuss unim­por­tant things with your fam­ily or girl­friends. Wait un­til your hus­band ex­presses an in­ter­est be­fore of­fer­ing in­for­ma­tion. You can­not force him to be more at­ten­tive, but do ask him to set aside 15 min­utes a day for the two of you to look into each other’s eyes and lis­ten to what­ever the other per­son says. ( And if you have any celebrity news, add it to your re­port on the car re­pairs.)

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