Boyfriend’s clingy mother is a bur­den on the re­la­tion­ship

The China Post - - TV & COMICS -

DEAR AN­NIE: I fol­low you on Face­book. I am 18 years old and have been with my boyfriend for more than a year. We used to spend a bit too much time to­gether and I know it wasn’t healthy, so we worked it out and now have new hob­bies and see our friends a lit­tle more.

Ev­ery­thing is good ex­cept for one thing: His mother. She is re­cently di­vorced and when my boyfriend and I were spend­ing a lot of time at her place, she was up­set and mis­er­able. We un­der­stood, so we would make din­ner for her and keep the house clean, but she would never come out of her room. My boyfriend and I would eat din­ner and con­verse. One day, his mother came into the kitchen and ap­par­ently, saw this close­ness as a threat. She com­plained that she wasn’t get­ting any at­ten­tion from her son and that I was steal­ing him away from her. She pro­hib­ited me from com­ing over for three weeks, which my boyfriend and I found hurt­ful.

She still com­plains about me, say­ing I give her dirty looks ( I would never do that) and that I ig­nore her, even when I say hello ev­ery time I see her. I get that she doesn’t like me, so I try not to en­gage her too of­ten. But she also tries to sabotage our dates, say­ing my boyfriend can’t go out with me be­cause he has some im­por­tant fam­ily din­ner, which is usu­ally a lie. Some­times, she calls in the mid­dle of a date and tells him to come home right away and that sort of thing.

The worst part, though, is that she has such a strong in­flu­ence on my boyfriend that he is be­gin­ning to be­lieve she knows what is best for him and that maybe we should break up. This dev­as­tates me. She is ru­in­ing our re­la­tion­ship and bring­ing stress into my boyfriend’s life.

I don’t know whether to speak to her about her be­hav­ior or leave it alone. I fear I’m not go­ing to win this.

—Lost

Dear Lost: You won’t win if your boyfriend doesn’t back you up. His mother seems very clingy, and this may be due to the di­vorce or it may be that she would not like any girl her son dated. Talk to your boyfriend. Let him know that if he doesn’t de­fend you to his mother, the re­la­tion­ship is over. Be­cause, Honey, it will be.

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