Boyfriend’s clingy mother is a burden on the relationship
DEAR ANNIE: I follow you on Facebook. I am 18 years old and have been with my boyfriend for more than a year. We used to spend a bit too much time together and I know it wasn’t healthy, so we worked it out and now have new hobbies and see our friends a little more.
Everything is good except for one thing: His mother. She is recently divorced and when my boyfriend and I were spending a lot of time at her place, she was upset and miserable. We understood, so we would make dinner for her and keep the house clean, but she would never come out of her room. My boyfriend and I would eat dinner and converse. One day, his mother came into the kitchen and apparently, saw this closeness as a threat. She complained that she wasn’t getting any attention from her son and that I was stealing him away from her. She prohibited me from coming over for three weeks, which my boyfriend and I found hurtful.
She still complains about me, saying I give her dirty looks ( I would never do that) and that I ignore her, even when I say hello every time I see her. I get that she doesn’t like me, so I try not to engage her too often. But she also tries to sabotage our dates, saying my boyfriend can’t go out with me because he has some important family dinner, which is usually a lie. Sometimes, she calls in the middle of a date and tells him to come home right away and that sort of thing.
The worst part, though, is that she has such a strong influence on my boyfriend that he is beginning to believe she knows what is best for him and that maybe we should break up. This devastates me. She is ruining our relationship and bringing stress into my boyfriend’s life.
I don’t know whether to speak to her about her behavior or leave it alone. I fear I’m not going to win this.
Dear Lost: You won’t win if your boyfriend doesn’t back you up. His mother seems very clingy, and this may be due to the divorce or it may be that she would not like any girl her son dated. Talk to your boyfriend. Let him know that if he doesn’t defend you to his mother, the relationship is over. Because, Honey, it will be.