Wish to do a good deed for dad turns into sibling rivalry
DEAR ANNIE: I recently spoke to my 80- year- old dad about taking him to his home state to attend an upcoming event. I thought it might be nice to see other family members, too. I planned to contact relatives and reserve a pavilion at a nearby park for other group activities.
I mentioned the idea to my sister, so she could save the date. I did not ask for her input or help. But the next thing I knew, she had contacted the relatives, booked a block of hotel rooms, and is making plans for this mini- family reunion. This irritates me to no end. After all, this was my idea. I told her I was annoyed by her takeover of the event. Now, she is not speaking to me.
Was I wrong to want to make the plans without her interference?
— Big Sister
Dear Big Sister: We assume this type of sibling rivalry has gone on since the two of you were kids. You want credit for coming up with the idea and planning it according to your preferences, and your sister hijacked the idea and is now getting the kudos for arranging it. We understand your irritation, but it won’t do you any good. So try instead to work on a way to make this a joint project.
Call your sister and say you are sorry you didn’t include her in the planning to begin with. ( Seriously, it won’t kill you.) Ask how you can assist with her ideas, and then tell her the things you were considering and enlist her help. We know such an approach will take a great deal of patience and tolerance from you, but this is absolutely not worth the current fight. If you need the relatives to appreciate your efforts, you can clarify that in person at the mini-reunion.